Lamont and Dude Discuss Finality

“So Lamont, what do you think? Do you agree with the idea that we will have a final iteration when we finally reach an enlightened state?”

“That idea has always cracked me up.”

“So you don’t. But what if we have been being born and dying over and over again as some kind of punishment?”

“That’s one of the grimmest views of life I’ve ever encountered.”

“You know, the Wheel of Dharma, as Kerouac called it, the ‘quivering meat-wheel of flesh’.”

“Are you reading Kerouac now?”

“Uh, well, uh, maybe. But that’s not the point. Do you think we’ll ever stop coming back?”

“No. Not judging by my lives so far. I can’t see how that would ever happen as nothing is lost in the universe but exists continually as matter or energy. As we are matter AND energy, I think our recurrence is pretty secure. We’ll be back. It’ll always be ‘Hasta la vista, baby’ and never ‘Adios’.”

“Wow. Well, I wonder what we’ll be next time?”

“Who knows? I have thought about whether there’s any pattern.”

“There’s the theory that every time we do well in a lifetime, we move up a notch to a higher form of being next time.”

“That’s always bothered me, too. Who’s to say what is a ‘higher form of being’? Humans came up with that stuff so naturally they have home team loyalty. Personally, I think being an oak tree is as good as it gets. So, if that theory is true, what did I do wrong to have been so ingloriously demoted?”

“You’re saying if a dog wrote the Bhagavad Gita, dogs would be the highest form of life?”

“Yeah, but dogs would never write that.”

“I wonder what they WOULD write if they COULD write?”

“Do you remember ever having been a dog?”

“No, not really. Dire wolf?”

“Close enough. What did you think back then?”





Lamont and Dude are characters I came up with a couple of years ago. They have the uncanny ability to remember many of their previous incarnations which gives them a unique perspective on life, the universe and everything.

Lamont and Dude Reminisce about Continental Drift

“Dude? You up, too?”

“Another earthquake.”

“I hate it when we get earthquakes at night, and I don’t get to enjoy them. Just jolted awake, stunned, going, ‘What?’.”

“Especially when you know the really interesting ones are going come at rush hour.”

“That could be why they’re interesting.”

“True that. You going back to bed?”

“I don’t know. Maybe there will be some aftershocks.”

“You really like these things, don’t you, Lamont?”

“Nostalgia. You know how it is. I remember the glorious times of the shifting tectonic plates…”

“We’re still in those times, Lamont.”

“Yeah, I know. I just remember so vividly the moment when the Indian subcontinent crashed into Asia. Wheeeeee!”

“C’mon, Lamont. You can’t expect me to believe you felt that. The continents weren’t exactly sliding around like air-hockey pucks.”

“15 cm a year. That’s moving, if you’re a continent.”

“What were you?”

“I was a small meat-eating dinosaur with wing-like appendages.”

“Could you fly?”

“Nah. I wish. Weren’t you there?”

“Not that I recall. Maybe it was one of those dark times when I was a bacteria.”

“Maybe you were a tree. That would have been the best. As a tree you could have experienced a lot more of the whole drift thing. Maybe that explains your love of surfing.”

“Apropos of surfing, sun’s coming up. You want to…?”



Lamont and Dude are characters I came up with a couple of years ago. They have the uncanny ability to remember many of their past incarnations which gives them a unique perspective on life, the universe and everything.

Lamont and Dude, Amused by Science

“Dude, you remember our short but wonderful period as velociraptors, right?”

“I think of it often. Why?”

“I was wondering. In any of your human iterations have you been a scientist of any kind?”

“Not that I recollect. You?”

“Never. I’m asking because yesterday I read a very timely article about us — back then us, not now us — and it looks like some scientist has made a world-shaking…”

“You mean like a Brontosaurus?”

“Good one, Dude. He’s decided that the tree human scientists have made up — important, made up — has been wrong all this time and velociraptors actually belong in the OPPOSITE category. This has rocked the world of science, Dude. I find that hilarious. Look at this thing. Any idiot looking at our skeleton is going to see a California condor, am I right?”



“That is pretty funny. Nothing like the obvious to confuse the shit out of a human. But, you know how we are. We always want a neat category to put stuff in, and then we get very loyal to those categories, right?”

“But 9 times out of 10 we invent the categories we put stuff in then we call it ‘fact’ when, as in this case, it’s only a combination of tradition and conjecture.”

“That’s humans for you. Remember when they decided the Brontosaurus never existed and then changed their mind and said it did?”

“I could sure go for a nice flank of Bronto thrown on the barbie, couldn’t you, Dude?”


Lamont and Dude are characters I came up with a couple of years ago. They have the uncanny ability to remember many of their past incarnations which gives them a unique perspective on life, the universe and everything.

Lamont and Dude Recall First Fish

“What’s the most daring thing you’ve done, Dude?”

“Me? I’ve never been especially daring, Lamont. You know that.”

“You seem to have forgotten the most daring thing BOTH of us ever did.”

“What was that?”

“WALKING out of the primordial ooze into the fresh air of, uh, air.”

“That wasn’t daring. It was ‘damned if you do, damned if you don’t’.”

“No. It was ‘damned if you don’t’.”

“Uh-uh. Plenty of guys stayed back.”

“Yeah, but look at them? Air sacks filled with mud; flippers with toes of hope instead of feet. C’mon. It wasn’t easy taking the first uphill journey of animal-kind.”

“My wife was having none of it.”

“I remember. ‘No, Dude, no! You’ll die! Come back! I love you! What about the children?’.”

“Hysterical female. I told her to come.”

“I know. I’m glad I was single. That must’ve been hard for you.”

“She was annoying. What can I say? Stay back there and listen to her complain about how there was less and less oxygen in the ooze and what was I going to do about it or take my chances on the outside.”

“Remember that first breath?”

“I’ll never forget it. What a relief!”

“No kidding. Who’d ever have thought we’d come to this, though?”

“Well, there were a lot of other things in between and who knows what’s ahead.”

“I hope I get to be a tree again. It’s so restful.”

“I hope you do too, Lamont. Somewhere like England in a nature preserve.”

“I wish the same for you, Dude.”

“Thanks, buddy.”


Lamont and Dude are characters I came up with a couple of years ago. They are unique in that the remember many of their past incarnations which gives them a unique perspective on life, the universe and everything. In this episode, they recall their lives as Crossopterygii a creature who also happens to be my personal hero. Reposted from some time past as there is nothing else I have to say about fish. 🙂

Lamont and Dude Reminisce over Good Times



“That’s the sound you made when you fell into the tarpits.”

“Shut up. It wasn’t either. Why are you always bringing that up, anyway? We had other adventures.”

“Yeah, but that one, I don’t know. It just has charisma.”


“Well, yeah. The sunlit savannah. A mighty mammoth. A puny sabre-toothed tiger. It has the David and Goliath magic.”

“OK, Dude, here’s the problem with your analogy. You were a TOP predator. I might have been exponentially larger, but you were Goliath, not me. It’s not just size, Dude. There was NOTHING I could do but run from you and your pals.”


“The dire wolves. Your hunting buddies. Don’t deny it. You were in it together.”

“Opportunistic bottom feeders, that’s what they were.”

“Oh c’mon. You tigers ate from their kills just as often as they ate from yours. I could see a lot from ten feet above the plain. We have other stories, Dude, or is it that you felt guilty about driving your OLD friend into the tarpits then eating me? Is that why you keep harping on that one? You’re trying to justify yourself?”

“No guilt. Amusement, maybe, but not guilt. What’s to feel guilty about in the old kill-or-be killed? And, it’s not like you never killed and ate me, remember. You had plenty of chances. How many times were you a fox? Tell me that.”

“Lots of times. I suppose it was some kind of karma thing. You were very poor at squirrel evasion stragedies. You should have stayed with your mom longer and learned more about what squirrels could do that foxes couldn’t. That’s what it boils down to. Developing a predator-excluding skill-set. You never really got it. With perfectly good high branches way out of my reach, you’d still run along the ground. Really, you deserved what you got.”

“I hated being a squirrel. Maybe it was despair. Maybe I saw you coming and thought, ‘There’s my friend Lamont. He’ll get me out of this.’ Who knows what I thought as a squirrel or even IF. Stupid, hoarding little rodentia.”

“You still resent the way they stole your acorns, don’t you. I don’t think you’ll ever get over that.”

“What other hope does a giant oak tree have, knowing you’re on your last hundred years or so? Only your acorns offer any promise for the future.”

“Seriously? You thought about that during the most peaceful, most serene, most beautiful of our joint incarnations? You thought about the future? Dude, I was just living in the moment. Enjoying the Druid worship, all that. It was a drag when the Romans came, but what can you do?”

“Always someone after world domination, isn’t there.”

“Fact of life, Dude. Fact of life.”


Lamont and Dude are characters I came up with a couple of years ago. They have the uncanny ability to remember most of their past incarnations which gives them a different perspective on life, the universe and everything. If you enjoyed this, you can read more of their adventures by typing Lamont or Dude into the search bar.

Lamont and Dude Ponder Obviosity

“Ha ha ha ha ha, Oh my god, ha ha ha…”

“Lamont, what’s so funny?”

“Oh Dude, someone on the tube — I mean on the plasma —  just said, ‘It’s as obvious as the nose on your face’. You know, nothing is LESS obvious to the person BEHIND the nose, the person from whose face the nose projects. Of all the people in the world, THAT person alone has no chance of seeing the nose, that is, without a mirror and THEN they’ll see it backwards.”

“I don’t get what’s so funny.”

“It’s a great metaphor. In my innumerable lifetimes, I’ve experienced, time and again, that there’s nothing less obvious than the obvious.”

“Obviously. Remember when I found you, all lovelorn and shit, on that promontory, waiting for a message in a bottle?”

“Dude, you forget. It was I who found YOU.”

“Right on. Well? Whoever it was, it was obviously absurd, right? But it finally arrived.”

“No it didn’t.”

“It didn’t?”

“No, Dude. That was trash.”

“Whoa. Really?”


“But I remember a wine bottle washed up on the beach.”

“Yeah, that did happen, but remember? The cork was all swollen from the salt water. We broke it open, well, I broke it open and the message was some guy’s receipt from Wines’R’Us.”

“Oh well. Long distance love affairs are pretty challenged from the get-go and then when your main squeeze lives in another country and communicates through messages in a bottle, what chance does it have? You wanna’ go get a chorizo burrito? Remembering that made me hungry.”

“Where? Do you want to go to Alibertos, Aibertos, Albertos or Robertos?”

“Doesn’t matter as long as it’s some ‘bertos’ or another.”


Lamont and Dude are characters I came up with a couple of years ago. They have the uncanny ability to remember many of their past lives which gives them a rather different perspective on things. If you enjoyed this, you can read more by typing Lamont or Dude in the search bar.

Dude and Lamont Ponder Fifty

“Now THAT’s a number.”

“Nothing gets by you, does it Lamont.”

“Not often. Sometimes. But 50 has always impressed me. It has heft, solidity.”

“You mean in and of itself or as an age for a human?”

“Funny how many humans regard 50 as ‘senior,’ that being a euphemism for ‘old,’ but they don’t know what old is.”

“I don’t think most of them know how old they actually ARE.”

“Definitely not.”

“Billions and billions and billions.”

“Well, if all humans saw themselves in THOSE terms, it would certainly change the Senior’s Menu at Denny’s.”


Lamont and Dude are characters I came up with a couple of years ago. They have the uncanny ability to remember most — if not all — of their incarnations. This gives them a very different perspective on life, the universe and everything. If you enjoyed this and would like to read more, just type Lamont and Dude in the search bar.

Lamont and Dude Ponder Profundities

“Hey Lamont! Did you see this?”

“What, Dude?”

“They reviewed your new book, ‘The Boomerang Effect’.”

“That’s to be expected.”

“Do you want to hear what they said?”

“You’re going to tell me, right?”

“They said it’s ‘profound’.”

“Of course it’s profound. How could it not be profound? The thing is, we — you and me, Dude, we appear to be great thinkers but all we are is a couple of guys with good memories.”

“Profoundly good, would you say?”

“Yeah, especially those bits when we were lantern fish and coelacanths.”

“Those were good times, dark, but good.”

Here’s a great song by Lucio Dalla.


About Lamont and Dude: Lamont and Dude are characters I came up with a couple of years ago. They’re old, OLD friends who somehow recognize each other and have memories over several incarnations. If you like this, and want to read more, just search “Lamont and Dude”



Lamont and Dude Discuss Admiration

“Wow. Look at her. She’s, dude, I don’t have words.”

“You admire her?”

“Well, yeah, I mean. LOOK, for the love of god.”

“Dude, it’s just biological urges. It’s nothing she’s DONE, nothing she’s ACCOMPLISHED. You’re no different from a mudskipper.”

“How’s that bad?”

“Who said it was bad? It was good times being a mudskipper.”

“Something in your voice.”

“It’s just I think she bought them. Go up and ask her what her dad paid for them.”

“Ah, that’s it.”

“It’s still OK, Dude. It’s completely normal that a being would do what he/she can to enhance his/her biological appeal. It only makes sense. Our one shot at true immortality is genetic. That’s why everyone gets in such a lather about their biological clock.”

“How can you — of all people — make that claim? You’re still here.”

“Case in point. I’m HERE because bits of my DNA endured over the millennia — same as you, Dude. The difference is our memories and don’t ask me to explain that. Curse or blessing. I’m never sure. And do NOT bring up that La Brea Tarpits thing one more time.”

“I was just going to say I’m glad I remember that.”

“Just that?”

“No, other stuff, too. Hey, do you think we’re going to get on TV again? It’s been a while since we got a call from our agents.”

“There’s a presidential election going on now. They probably have all the inflammatory absurdity they can handle without us, Dude.”

Lamont and Dude Discuss Understanding

“‘Seek not to be understood. Seek to understand’.”

“Jaysus, Dude.”

“That’s what the poster says.”

“You didn’t make that up?”

“No. But it’s good, don’t you think?”

“What’s good about it is that I CAN exercise some control over what I do so it’s possible for me to try to understand others. I have nothing to say about what they choose to do, so I can’t MAKE them understand me. It’s just good sense.”

“I understand you, pal. You’re actually a pretty understanding guy. I mean, you’ve been around the block a few times, seen a few things.”

“I love your understatement, Dude. The thing is, all the time, every single minute of every day, I’m surrounded by things and people I don’t understand at all. Ultimately, in spite of our understanding — even if it’s very profound and complete — we’re stuck with what people DO, and the best of motives can lead to the strangest actions. Happened to me a million times. I expect it’ll keep happening until I find the key to getting off this ‘quivering meat wheel of flesh’.”

“‘Quivering meat wheel’? What does that MEAN?”

“The wheel of Dharma, Dude. Jack Kerouac described it that way several times. We’re meat and we’re stuck on the Wheel of Dharma. It’s the Hindu world view.”

“Is it YOUR world view?”

“No, but it’s still a good description — we’re on the earth, right? This spheroid spinning through space, circling the sun, and we’re animals, flesh. Earth is a meat wheel. I don’t know where the ‘quivering’ comes in, though. I think Kerouac was just being artistic or something. And the ‘of flesh’ is just redundant. Meat pretty much equals flesh.”

“What is your world view?”

“Dude are you serious? How can anyone who’s been in and out of here so many times have a world view? At the risk of evoking a really cheesy song, I figured out a long time ago that we are the world. We can’t view it; we aren’t just ON it, we ARE it. At any given iteration I could be a microbe, an oak tree, a maverick ram wandering around an Iceland peninsula, a woman decorating the spare room for the birth of her son, a big white dog with tonsillitis, a raven surfing a thermal from a California cliff, an egregious moth participating in a New England plague, a star-gazer lily — who knows?”

“That’s your world view?”

“The point, Dude, is that after a few iterations we should understand everything, but there’s that damned trans-species, trans-iteration amnesia. We’re emerge with different brains every time we show up. The only consistency is the survival imperative.”