Lamont and Dude Debrief

“How’d it go?”

“It was all right. Thanks for hooking me up to that Youtube video of you at the museum.”

“No prob.”

“Did you watch the show?”

“Yeah.”

“What did you think?”

“I think it’s amazing we seem to be the only two living creatures who remember all that stuff.”

“I have thought that, too. But then I asked myself, ‘Have I ever remembered this stuff before?’ And no, I haven’t.”

“Me neither.”

“So how did this happen?”

“Do you think maybe it’s, you know, we’re just a couple of rubes who accidentally got hypnotized once when we were hanging out at the beach, Venice Beach maybe?”

“Maybe. Maybe it was something like that.”

“You know, maybe we were watching for the Green Ray and a hypnotist was there.”

“You know, Dude, it could have been a hypnotist, but maybe he was hypnotizing someone  so they could have a past life regression. In that case, it’s both real and artificially stimulated, you know?”

“Hmm. So it’s just coincidence that we happen to have been alive together all those times?”

“No, not really. It’s the paradox of the universe which is simultaneously infinite and finite. As you know, matter and energy are never lost.”

“Whoa.”

“Yeah.”

***

Lamont and his pal, Dude, are characters I came up with a few years ago. They have the uncanny ability to remember many of their past incarnations which gives them a unique perspective on life, the universe, and everything.

Part One is Here

Part Two is Here

Part Three is Here

Part Four is Here

 

https://dailypost.wordpress.com/prompts/rube/

Spirit Guide

“Well, Lamont, before we wind this up, what are you and your friend, Dude, doing these days?”

“Dude got a weekend job at the La Brea Tarpits as a — you’ll never believe this — a Smilodon, that is, Saber Toothed Cat. It’s totally unbelievable, and I mean that literally. Little kids come up to him and pet him, and touch his fangs, and get their pictures taken with him. It’s Disney as hell. Dude says wearing that costume is like being in a furnace.”

“Wasn’t Dude once a Saber Toothed Cat?”

“He was.”

“So, if he knows how they act, shouldn’t he try to be, you know, authentic?”

“I don’t think that would go over very well with the kiddies. Too much blood. Saber toothed cats, you know. Besides, he IS authentic; authentic Dude. Dude’s a super friendly guy, always falling in love, thinks children are cute. I like him in spite of all that, but…”

“What do you two do in your free time? I know your lecturing keeps you on the road a lot, but other than wearing a Smilodon quadsuit, I mean, that can’t be a full-time job for Dude.”

“You’d be surprised. Dude works a lot, plus it’s a hell of a commute up the 405 every weekend.  And he surfs every day he’s not working, and he shapes boards parttime. We share payments on a house down in San Diego, on the boardwalk between Mission and PB, you know. Dude loves it. Lots of girls. Decent sets. Sometimes we head down to Sunset Cliffs.”

“Do you surf, too?”

“Yeah, but I’m not as deep into as Dude. Between us, and however many viewers are up watching this show at godawful o’clock in the still-dark am hours, I think he feels most like a Smilodon when he’s surfing.”

“Cats in the ocean?”

“It’s not about being a cat, Tom. It’s the spirit of the thing. You asked me earlier what my favorite incarnation was, well, Dude’s was probably the time he was a Smilodon.”

“Were you there for that?”

“Was I there? I was DINNER.”

“Where was that?”

“Up in what’s now LA, oddly enough, the La Brea Tarpits. Those were great times in a lot of ways. I liked the Ice Age. It was a long period, and I got to come around a couple of times. I had my first human iteration back then. Didn’t last long. Lots of really big animals — like myself. I was a Wooly Mammoth.”

“And Dude ATE you?”

“He had help. A pack of Dire Wolves and a couple of Smilodon ‘buddies’ though they — you know — cats aren’t really buddies. And, the tar pits. Nasty. Water on top, leaves, debris. Looks like a pond. It’s pretty easy for an unwary six ton animal to find himself in trouble — and those wolves were smart. They knew how to drive us in there. It was awful, no way around it. But that’s nature. Kill or be killed.”

“Does it have to be that way, though?”

“Seriously, Trish? Yes, it has to be that way. It’s not a bad thing. It’s not a good thing. It’s just how it is.”

“You could seriously kill someone, is that what you’re saying?”

“I don’t want to, not in this iteration, but you know, when Dude was a salmon and I was a hungry bear, sure, yeah.”

“We’re about out of time, Lamont. Do you have any words of wisdom or a message for our audience?”

“Not really, well, maybe this. Whoever or whatever you are today you were something else once and you’ll be something else again. Everything and everyone around you could’ve been you. Think about that.”

“Thanks, Lamont, for being on our show! I’m sure you’ve given our viewers, uh, food for thought. Be sure to catch Lamont’s podcasts and look for his TED talks!”

 

 

Part One is Here

Part Two is Here

Part Three is Here

***

Lamont and his pal, Dude, are characters I came up with a few years ago. They have the uncanny ability to remember many of their past incarnations which gives them a unique perspective on life, the universe, and everything.

https://dailypost.wordpress.com/prompts/costume/

Lamont Discourses on Feathers

“Today we’re excited to welcome Mr. Lamont. You might have heard his controversial podcast lectures and TED talks discussing reincarnation. Mr. Lamont, welcome to Mornings with Tom and Trish! I have to say, I didn’t know that you are STILL a velociraptor.”

“Thank you, Trish. Yeah, still a velociraptor, still an oak tree, still a salmon, grrrr, still a lot of things. It’s a costume, sweet cheeks.”

“So our picture up there, we pretty much got it wrong?”

“Basically accurate, Tom, but you know, what do you have to go by? Just a lot of funny rocks, right?”

“Yeah. But science…”

“Science is good. Better than non-science, that’s for sure.”

“So the feathers. I see you have feathers?”

“I told you, this is a costume. Velociraptors are extinct.”

“Right, but you’d know, right?”

“Well, yeah, but I’m not here to alter the course of scientific inquiry by giving out secrets of the late Cretaceous and, anyway, why should you believe me? Maybe I’m just a guy in a velociraptor costume making claims that you can’t prove or disprove, you know, like the existence of God?”

“Whoa, we have a strict rule that we do not discuss religion or politics on our show. We believe our viewers need a break from…”

“Real life?”

“What was your favorite incarnation, Mr. Lamont?”

“Just ‘Lamont’. I haven’t always been the male of the species, or even an animal, and sometimes I’ve been a single cell organism and you know how THEY reproduce, and for a while I was a flatworm, and, all that being the case, I just go with my name.”

“OK. So, what was your favorite?”

“Once I was an oak tree in an ancient British forest, worshipped by Druids.”

“Did you see a lot of human sacrifices?”

“I thought you didn’t want to talk about religion?”

“How is that religion?”

“It was the Druidic religion. You know, what amazes me is that’s always the first question, whether in my, sigh, iteration as an oak tree, I saw human sacrifices. Humans are so morbid. All life is sacrificed on the altar of time. The Druids had reasons of their own.”

“Did they eat, you know, the bodies?”

“Of course they ate the bodies. What do you take them for, sacreligious?”

***

This is part two in a series to be continued tomorrow, inschallah.

Part One is Here.

***

Lamont and his pal, Dude, are characters I came up with a few years ago. They have the uncanny ability to remember many of their past incarnations which gives them a unique perspective on life, the universe, and everything.

https://dailypost.wordpress.com/prompts/lecture/

Coming to a Cable Network Near You

“Here we are again at Monday.”

“What?”

“Monday, again.”

“I can’t imagine you’re surprised by that.”

“Don’t you ever feel like a machine or something?”

“Often. But humans conjured up a system that more or less works, so I show up because, thanks be to God, I work, too.”

“Ha ha. So what’s going on today?”

“You’re interviewing that reincarnation guy to see if he’s believable enough to put on TV.”

“In this climate, sweet cheeks, anything is believable enough. Looks who’s in the White House.”

“I was trying not to think of that until Tuesday. Monday’s enough all by itself. Anyway, the reincarnation guy should be here any minute.”

“You’ve seen him. What do you think?”

“Personally, I think he’s legit. I can’t explain how that could be, but it’s logical that our molecules become part of the universe — earth in particular — when we die. Why shouldn’t the energy that is our experience be stored in those molecules?”

“Is THAT what reincarnation means? No Karma? No nearing Nirvana? Nothing spiritual? That’s pretty dry. Is that his schtick?”

“Yeah. Well you asked.”

“Did you make us coffee?”

“Did make YOU coffee? What do you think; this is the seventies?”

“Never mind.”

To Be Continued…

***

Lamont and his pal, Dude, are characters I came up with a few years ago. They have the uncanny ability to remember many of their past incarnations which gives them a unique perspective on life, the universe, and everything.

 

https://dailypost.wordpress.com/prompts/conjure/

Lamont and Dude Opine about the DMV

“Hey Lamont, how’s it hanging?”

“What?”

“Hi, hello, ‘ssup, whatever.”

“Oh. Yeah.”

“You look a little worse for wear.”

“You have NO idea.”

“I do though. That’s the thing.”

“True enough.”

“Where have you been?”

“DMV.”

“Oh god. Say no more. You wonder how all these millions of years of evolution could result in the DMV.”

“I was wondering that very thing, Dude.”

“Did you make an appointment? That usually helps.”

“I did but so what?”

“Ah.”

“Some lady was there with her 15 year old son. There for a driving test, but they were late. They missed their appointment. They pushed — I mean the lady, not the DMV — LITERALLY pushed everyone out of line so she could cut to the front and have her turn.”

“What did the DMV guy say?”

“DMV lady, Dude. DMV lady. Feminism means women get to work in that woeful place for peanuts. Yay fucking freedom.”

“Wow, you’re in a mood.”

“You would be too! Anyway she told them to make another appointment. They were twenty minutes late. Their place was taken by the next in line. Well that mother raised holy hell, held everything up.”

“Wow. So what happened finally?”

“A driving test guy came in, took out the kid. The DMV lady told the mother to sit down and be quiet or she’d call the cops. I can tell you that everyone in line was pissed.”

“What were you there for?”

“Just to renew my license.”

“Did you?”

“Finally, but Dude, the thing is did we — and I mean you and I — endure millions of years of molecular mutation, famines, floods, fires, being eaten by bears (me) and other creatures (you) JUST to stand in line at the DMV and have some stupid woman who can’t tell time further retard the already desperately flawed system we in our majestic humanity have devised so people can legally drive death machines to Disneyland?”

“Oh Lamont. It’s not such a big deal.”

“Seriously. When did the bullies of the world get the right to follow different rules?”

“Survival of the fittest, Lamont. You know that as well — better — than anyone.”

“All I want, Dude, all I want…”

“To come back as an oak tree?”

***

Lamont and Dude are characters I came up with a few years ago. They have the uncanny ability to remember many of their past incarnations which gives them a unique perspective on life, the universe and everything.

https://dailypost.wordpress.com/prompts/permit/n,./

Dude and Lamont Plan a Barbecue

“Hey Lamont. I think we should do more entertaining, you know?”

“I can see entertaining some ideas. Is that what you have in mind?”

“Your puns are not entertaining.”

“Yeah, they are. Anyway, where did this idea come from?”

“Did you see the girls who moved in next door? Just last weekend? HOTTIES.”

“You’re just determined to do that, aren’t you, the old ‘biological imperative.’ You know where it ends.”

“Yeah, but in the meantime it’s a lot of fun.”

“Uh, no it isn’t.”

“Whatever. I’ve invited them over for a barbecue later. I’ve told them all about you.”

“They haven’t lived here long enough for you to manage that.”

“Just one thing, Lamont. Don’t go talking about the old days, any of them. It really freaks women out when you start lamenting your lost life as an oak tree or reminiscing about the glory days of being a T Rex.

“I liked being an oak tree and it was glorious being a T Rex. You can’t deny it.”

“I wasn’t a T Rex, Lamont, if you recall. You ate me in that iteration. It’s NOT my favorite. Besides, a lot of people don’t get it. They don’t remember. So what do you say? Carne Asada? Burgers and hotdogs?”

“Maybe they’re vegetarians, Dude. You ought to find out.”

“Whoa. Then what?”

“We grill them.”

LAMONT!!!!

***

Lamont and Dude are characters I came up with a few years ago. They have the uncanny ability to remember many of their past incarnations which gives them a unique perspective on life, the universe and everything.

https://dailypost.wordpress.com/prompts/entertain/

Lamont and Dude Ponder a New Year

“Dude.”

“Lamont! How was Florida?”

“Oh, you know. You remember the Jurassic period?”

“Yeah, kinda, sorta. Humid and lots of plants then? Bugs?”

“Pretty much.”

“Did you visit the Fountain of Youth?”

“Ha ha. That ship sailed hundreds of millennia ago.”

“You want to ride a few? The sets aren’t looking all that good this morning, though. They’re breaking against each other. Maybe go find a burrito?”

“Any crises while I was gone?”

“Nothing major. Christmas came and went. Then New Years.”

“That’s another joke. New Years. How do they know? And what’s a year, anyway?”

“You go through that every year. It’s kind of cute.”

“I know, I know. There’s nothing new under the sun, Dude.”

“You seem a little down, Lamont. Wassup?”

“I guess I am a little down. I’m only human.”

“Hardly ‘only’.”

“Good point. What I’m saying is maybe it’s human nature to look to a new year as a new beginning. Look at all the people who make resolutions? Did we make resolutions as velociraptors or salmon or bears or oak trees? No, we just went on like no new year had come, ripened, rotted and passed on. But humans? Then the moment comes when it’s just the same old thing with a different number at the end. This ‘new year’ is not a viable theory.”

“The life of a human is fraught with self-awareness and the knowledge of the passage of time. You said that yourself.”

“I know, I know. Sometimes I make sense, even to me.”

“Wow. You are down. You want a beer?”

***

Lamont and Dude are characters I came up with a few years ago. They have the uncanny ability to remember many of their previous incarnations which gives them an unusual perspective on life, the universe and everything.

P.S. No disrespect meant to Florida. The author of this blog has been there, OK, she was 5, but she remembers it as being beautiful and a lot of fun.

 

https://dailypost.wordpress.com/prompts/viable/

Interview with Lamont and Dude on the Subject of Age

Back when I was a teenager/early 20s person people thought I was older than I was and I thought that was cool. Now that I’m 65 and people think I’m older than I am, it pisses me off.

In between, most of the time, I “passed” for someone younger.

How old are we, anyway? We have decided to ask Lamont and Dude that question. “Ha ha ha ha,” says Lamont. “You want to talk about age? I’ll talk about age,” and out came an articulate diatribe on what it’s like to live for eons…

“Be an oak tree,” he said. Some people who hear him think “Be an oak tree” is a Zen koan, but Lamont advises anyone who returns from iteration to iteration to BE an oak tree whenever they get the chance. When asked why, Lamont said, “You start small and slowly reach a majestic stature from which you can peruse the world and foibles of animal life. You provide a home for birds and squirrels who eat your children, but it’s OK. Squirrels need to live, too, and if all your children were allowed to fall and sprout there’d be no room for anything to grow. You also give a home to numerous insects. It’s a calm life participating in the various activities of the natural world, but in a quiet way.”

His friend, Dude, also spoke highly of the oak tree life but related that his favorite iteration — that he knows of — is now. “I like surfing and I was not able to surf in any of my other incarnations.”

“He was once a porpoise, but he doesn’t remember,” said Lamont. “It’s really impossible to remember every incarnation.”

Lamont and Dude claim to have lived in some form or other on this planet for eons. Science is unable to prove or to disprove their claim.

***

Lamont and Dude are characters I came up with a few years ago. They have the uncanny ability to remember many of the previous incarnations which gives them the unusual perspective on life, the universe and everything.

https://dailypost.wordpress.com/prompts/age/

Lamont and Dude Horse Around

“They think we nested.”

“We did.”

“Yeah, but not like robins.”

“No, not hardly.”

“Isn’t it strange none of them seem to remember?”

“Maybe they’re newer. Maybe they haven’t been to as many rodeos.”

“In my horse iteration, there were no rodeos.”

“You were only 18 inches high, Lamont, back in your horse days.”

“Imagine. Given the choice between predator and prey…”

“I know, be an oak tree.”

 

 

Lamont and Dude are characters I came up with a few years ago. They have the uncanny ability to remember many of their previous incarnations which gives them a unique perspective on life, the universe and everything.

 

https://dailypost.wordpress.com/prompts/nest/

Lamont and Dude Discuss Life and Death

“Life is a panacea for death.”

“What?”

“Dude, think about it. We all die. It’s the one sure thing in every creature’s life, right?”

“Yeah.”

“Life just puts it off. Gives us the illusion that we’re immortal.”

“Uh…I don’t have any illusion like that, Lamont. I know the final outcome. God’s nose I’ve experienced it a few times.”

“That’s my point.”

“You don’t have a point this time, my wise and learned friend. The point is NOT death. The point is how we get there. Life is not a panacea for death any more than death is the result of life.”

“I never said it was the result of life. It’s just the end, unless someone lives a life of total self-destruction.”

“Whatever. I’m going out to check the sets. This is way too morbid for me when a meteor could hit us any time, anyway.”

“Good idea.”

“Grab your board then.”

***

Lamont and Dude are characters I came up with a few years ago. They have the uncanny ability to remember many of their past incarnations which gives them a unique perspective on life, the universe and everything. If you enjoyed this dialogue, you can read more by typing “Lamont and Dude” in the search bar. 🙂

P.S. Lamont was under the impression that panacea meant a false cure-all. Having looked it up, he’s no longer sure, but it’s still a good story.

https://dailypost.wordpress.com/prompts/panacea/