Lamont and Dude Discourse on Wealth

“Hey Lamont, you got a few bucks?”

“Yes. And I’m grateful for them. They’re useful in this superficial world where one’s life is spent toiling for the legal tender. Why?”

“I, uh, I…”

“You’re broke.”

“Yeah. Again. I miss the old days.”

“Which ones?”

“The ones where we didn’t need money to live. Remember when you were a salmon and I was a bear?”

“Vaguely. Remember when you were an oak tree and I was an oak tree?”

“Remember when we were velociraptors?”

“Remember when you were a pile of dead meat and I was a carrion-eating giant flying scavenger?”

“No, I don’t remember that one.”

“Dead things tell no tales.”

“You’re proud of that? You didn’t even do the kill if all you were was a giant carrion-eating flying scavenger!”

“The kill isn’t everything, Dude. If you understood that, you wouldn’t always need to hit me up for money. Here’s twenty bucks.”

***

Lamont and Dude are characters I came up with a few years ago. They have the uncanny ability to remember many of their past incarnations. This gives them a unique perspective on life the universe and everything.

 

https://dailypost.wordpress.com/prompts/tender/

Lamont and Dude Ponder Distance

“Dude?”

“‘Yo! ‘ssup?”

“Not much. What’s out there?”

“Oh, I’m watching the sets. I’m not sure it’s worth going out.”

“Aren’t you the guy who told me it’s always worth going out?”

“Maybe. But it’s not. See how they’re breaking? A guy’s more likely fall off one than get a ride.”

“I see what you mean. Hey, what’s that?”

“Whoa.”

“What is it?”

“I don’t know. A boat?”

“It’s pretty far out there.”

“Yeah.”

“You know what was great about being a woolly mammoth?”

“Being chased down and eaten by me?”

“You think that’s SO funny. No. That wasn’t great, what was great was being so tall you could see way out there, the far distant horizon, in all directions.”

“Didn’t help you much.”

***

Lamont and Dude are characters I came up with a few years ago. They have the uncanny ability to remember many of their past incarnations which gives them a unique perspective on life, the universe and everything.

 

https://dailypost.wordpress.com/prompts/distant/

Lamont and Dude Discuss Finality

“So Lamont, what do you think? Do you agree with the idea that we will have a final iteration when we finally reach an enlightened state?”

“That idea has always cracked me up.”

“So you don’t. But what if we have been being born and dying over and over again as some kind of punishment?”

“That’s one of the grimmest views of life I’ve ever encountered.”

“You know, the Wheel of Dharma, as Kerouac called it, the ‘quivering meat-wheel of flesh’.”

“Are you reading Kerouac now?”

“Uh, well, uh, maybe. But that’s not the point. Do you think we’ll ever stop coming back?”

“No. Not judging by my lives so far. I can’t see how that would ever happen as nothing is lost in the universe but exists continually as matter or energy. As we are matter AND energy, I think our recurrence is pretty secure. We’ll be back. It’ll always be ‘Hasta la vista, baby’ and never ‘Adios’.”

“Wow. Well, I wonder what we’ll be next time?”

“Who knows? I have thought about whether there’s any pattern.”

“There’s the theory that every time we do well in a lifetime, we move up a notch to a higher form of being next time.”

“That’s always bothered me, too. Who’s to say what is a ‘higher form of being’? Humans came up with that stuff so naturally they have home team loyalty. Personally, I think being an oak tree is as good as it gets. So, if that theory is true, what did I do wrong to have been so ingloriously demoted?”

“You’re saying if a dog wrote the Bhagavad Gita, dogs would be the highest form of life?”

“Yeah, but dogs would never write that.”

“I wonder what they WOULD write if they COULD write?”

“Do you remember ever having been a dog?”

“No, not really. Dire wolf?”

“Close enough. What did you think back then?”

“Hmmmm… CHASE THE WOOLLY MAMMOTH INTO THE POND NOW!!!

“Ah…”

***

 

Lamont and Dude are characters I came up with a couple of years ago. They have the uncanny ability to remember many of their previous incarnations which gives them a unique perspective on life, the universe and everything.

 

https://dailypost.wordpress.com/prompts/final/

Lamont Tells Dude about Iceland’s Elysian Fields

“Yarn.”

“What, Lamont?”

“Yarn.”

“Ah. Now what?”

“Do you remember? No, you weren’t there. Strange times. Strange place, but I loved it. It had its downside, though. Not exactly ‘down’ side, come to think of it. More wool, though the ducks and geese were everywhere. Danger of wool gathering.”

“What are you talking about?”

“Iceland.”

“Oh god. How do you know it was Iceland and not some other remote tundraesque locale on the planet?”

“Volcanoes.”

“Ah.”

“Finally had enough of the routine — always the same. Get thrown in the pen with a bunch of ewes in the fall, pulled out after I’ve sewn my seed and set on my own, grabbed in the spring, all my wool sheared off — you think it never snowed after that? You think it was never cold after that? Fuck no. It WAS cold and it DID snow and freezing rain could come blasting at my poor shorn self any time. Who knew? They SHOULD have known. It happened all the time, but NO. Then I got it. It was my wool they were after. And my sperm.”

“Could be a lot worse, Lamont. All the ewes you could, uh, service? And all you had to do was let them take your wool? I’m having a hard time seeing the dark side. It’s not like they were turning you into mutton.”

“It would come. It always came. I saw it hundreds of times. So, I left.”

“You LEFT?”

“Yep. Walked away one fall while they were busy assembling all the ewes. It was easy. They were distracted and we all pretty much look the same. The gate was open. I left. I just started walking. I’m not even sure they noticed I was gone.”

“Wow. So you were a maverick sheep in Iceland?”

“I had a couple of buddies. Sometimes we’d meet up, walk together for a while. It was good. It disguised us as a herd, not that anyone ever looked for us. We still got to service ewes, if we found one and she was willing — happened a lot. Long dark winters in Iceland. BUT all that wool WAS heavy, especially after a good rain, still, we were never cold again. And we became legends.”

“Yeah, a legend in your own mind. I think you’re telling me a yarn, Lamont.”

“Suit yourself, Dude.”

 

Lamont and Dude are characters I came up with a couple of years ago. They have the uncanny ability to remember many of their previous incarnations which gives them a unique perspective on life, the universe and everything.

 

https://dailypost.wordpress.com/prompts/yarn/

Lamont and Dude Reminisce about Continental Drift

“Dude? You up, too?”

“Another earthquake.”

“I hate it when we get earthquakes at night, and I don’t get to enjoy them. Just jolted awake, stunned, going, ‘What?’.”

“Especially when you know the really interesting ones are going come at rush hour.”

“That could be why they’re interesting.”

“True that. You going back to bed?”

“I don’t know. Maybe there will be some aftershocks.”

“You really like these things, don’t you, Lamont?”

“Nostalgia. You know how it is. I remember the glorious times of the shifting tectonic plates…”

“We’re still in those times, Lamont.”

“Yeah, I know. I just remember so vividly the moment when the Indian subcontinent crashed into Asia. Wheeeeee!”

“C’mon, Lamont. You can’t expect me to believe you felt that. The continents weren’t exactly sliding around like air-hockey pucks.”

“15 cm a year. That’s moving, if you’re a continent.”

“What were you?”

“I was a small meat-eating dinosaur with wing-like appendages.”

“Could you fly?”

“Nah. I wish. Weren’t you there?”

“Not that I recall. Maybe it was one of those dark times when I was a bacteria.”

“Maybe you were a tree. That would have been the best. As a tree you could have experienced a lot more of the whole drift thing. Maybe that explains your love of surfing.”

“Apropos of surfing, sun’s coming up. You want to…?”

“Dude.”

***

Lamont and Dude are characters I came up with a couple of years ago. They have the uncanny ability to remember many of their past incarnations which gives them a unique perspective on life, the universe and everything.

https://dailypost.wordpress.com/prompts/jolt/

Lamont and Dude, Amused by Science

“Dude, you remember our short but wonderful period as velociraptors, right?”

“I think of it often. Why?”

“I was wondering. In any of your human iterations have you been a scientist of any kind?”

“Not that I recollect. You?”

“Never. I’m asking because yesterday I read a very timely article about us — back then us, not now us — and it looks like some scientist has made a world-shaking…”

“You mean like a Brontosaurus?”

“Good one, Dude. He’s decided that the tree human scientists have made up — important, made up — has been wrong all this time and velociraptors actually belong in the OPPOSITE category. This has rocked the world of science, Dude. I find that hilarious. Look at this thing. Any idiot looking at our skeleton is going to see a California condor, am I right?”

 

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“That is pretty funny. Nothing like the obvious to confuse the shit out of a human. But, you know how we are. We always want a neat category to put stuff in, and then we get very loyal to those categories, right?”

“But 9 times out of 10 we invent the categories we put stuff in then we call it ‘fact’ when, as in this case, it’s only a combination of tradition and conjecture.”

“That’s humans for you. Remember when they decided the Brontosaurus never existed and then changed their mind and said it did?”

“I could sure go for a nice flank of Bronto thrown on the barbie, couldn’t you, Dude?”

***

Lamont and Dude are characters I came up with a couple of years ago. They have the uncanny ability to remember many of their past incarnations which gives them a unique perspective on life, the universe and everything.

https://dailypost.wordpress.com/prompts/timely/

Lamont and Dude Discuss the Meaning of Life

“How can you say it’s meaningless?”

“It is. Intrinsically, it’s meaningless. It might be meaningful to you, but that’s as far as it goes.”

“Lamont, are you sure you’re not a nihilist?”

“I’m sure. If I were, would I keep coming back? I don’t know why it bothers you so much that it’s meaningless. It’s really a good thing.”

“How do you figure that?”

“It’s like a work of art. You do it. You take pleasure in the doing of it and you’re in love with it for a while, then you put it away and go on to the next thing. Maybe someone likes it and maybe they want it because it has meaning for them. I mean, aren’t there things others do that you don’t ever ever want to do?”

“Oh yeah. But really, Lamont, after all these times coming back I think we should know the meaning of life.”

“Dude, what did life mean to you back when you were a single cell creature? Did you even have consciousness?”

“No, not per se.”

“Well, there you go. You got eaten, am I right?”

“We all pretty much always get eaten unless we’re top predators. And then we get eaten post mortem.”

“If we have any meaning at all, it’s as food.”

“Wow. Your philosophy is so bleak, Lamont.”

“Not as bleak as trying to make sense out of Heidegger.”

“Oh! That’s right! I keep forgetting! You were once a philosophy professor!”

“Metaphysics, no less. It made me yearn for my time as a…”

“Woolly Mammoth?”

“No, silly. Velociraptor. I wish that iteration had not been so violently and conclusively aborted.”

“I’m with you, man. Maybe that’s the source of your despairing life view?”

 

***

Lamont and Dude are characters I came up with a couple of years ago. Because they remember many of their past incarnations, they have a unique perspective on life, the universe and everything.

https://dailypost.wordpress.com/prompts/meaningless/

Lamont and Dude Murmur Sweet Nothings

“What?”

“A murmuration of starlings. I guess because of the noise they make.”

“Good lord. Well, they are certainly murmuratious, that’s indisputable.”

“Yeah. Murderous, too. I just came in from outside and I had to walk past their nest. I thought that mom was going to peck a hole in my head!”

“That would be redundant.”

***

Lamont and Dude are characters I came up with a few years ago. They have the uncanny ability to remember many of their past incarnations which gives them a unique perspective on life, the universe and everything.

 

https://dailypost.wordpress.com/prompts/murmuration/

Dude’s Existential Crisis

“Dude! Where you been?”

“Taking stock.”

“Where? Out to the auction east of town?”

“No, Lamont. Taking stock of my life.”

“What’s the net outcome? Fish?”

“You are really funny this morning.”

“Sorry, Dude. I was just trying to cheer you up.”

“Forget that. It doesn’t add up, Lamont. I try hard, do the best I can, and what do I have to show for it?”

“A really great surfboard collection and a lot of Sex Wax?”

“Yeah, that’s pretty much it. Pitiful. I coulda’ been a contender, Lamont. If only if I hadn’t held back, hesitated, I could have reached my full potential.”

“Oh, Dude. Everyone feels that way at least once, but the thing is, you’re just a guy. You’ve just reached that point in this lifetime that you’re questioning your reason for being. You need to take a longer view.”

“What’s that?”

“This isn’t your first rodeo. Think of some of the others. How did they turn out?”

“Lots of different ways. There was the swamp drying out, there was the time I got blasted into two, four, six, eight parts until I couldn’t even find myself any more, there was the meteor — of course the meteor, there was old age, there was the fire in the forest set by those stupid Druids, there was the spring I didn’t wake up in my cave — bad salmon, I think, got me in the night but who knows…”

“You don’t see a pattern?”

“No, not really.”

“Dude, c’mon. How do the stories turn out?”

“Yikes.”

“I thought that was pretty obvious to an old-timer like you. As the poet has written…”

“Which poet?”

“Shut up and listen while I declaim…”

Yesterday This Day’s Madness did prepare;
To-morrow’s Silence, Triumph, or Despair:
Drink! for you know not whence you came, nor why:
Drink! for you know not why you go, nor where.

“Hmmm. So you think this is just one of life’s phases, this ‘taking stock’?”

“More like several of life’s phases. You’ll do it again next time.”

“I think I see why you like to be a tree.”

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***

Lamont and Dude are characters I came up with a few years ago. They have the uncanny ability to remember many of their past incarnations which gives them an unusual perspective on life, the universe and everything.

https://dailypost.wordpress.com/prompts/hesitate/

Lamont and Dude Reminisce; to Live and Die in L.A. 10,000 Years Ago

“Dude…”

“I was wondering, Lamont, what’s the scariest sound you remember hearing?”

“Earthquake. Big mofo of an earthquake. Thunder where it is absolutely NOT supposed to be.”

“Oh yeah.”

“The earth split open as if it were a cartoon or something, you know? None of this incremental basin and range stuff. It was the real deal.”

“Where were you?”

“We! You don’t remember much, do you, Dude.”

“Probably being hit in the head by a surfboard so many times. Where were we?”

“Foxes.”

“Both of us?”

“Brothers.”

“Did we get out?”

https://dailypost.wordpress.com/prompts/sound/