Lamont and Dude Discuss Existential Angst

“I love those guys.”

“Which guys, Lamont? And, guys?”

“Fig eater beetles. Aren’t they beautiful?”

“Yeah. All metallic green and velvet.”

“Do you remember ever being a bug? I don’t but…”

“Pretty short, a bug’s life. Not a lot to remember.”

“True. Sad, though.”

“You seem kind of melancholy, Lamont. What’s up?”

“I haven’t heard from my agent in weeks. Months, even. I think my television career is at a dead end.”

“It’s not you, Lamont. The media is consumed with the political freak show.”

“Wouldn’t you think people would want a break from all that.”

“I think they do, it’s just they’re all addicted.”

“Addicted?”

“As you’ve said a thousand times, ‘Monkey see, monkey do’. They don’t want to miss anything on the ‘news’.”

“It’s just a lot of face-lifted human females with iridescent makeup, silicone mammaries and cocktail dresses. In another era…”

“I know. We’d be chasing them across the Savannah and leaving them to bear our young, or we’d be chased across the Savannah etc. but, Lamont… Come out and catch a few waves.”

“Naw, you go.”

“Lamont, you can’t just sit here all day wishing you could be a Fig Eater Beetle. Remember your own words to carpe the diem and live each iteration to the fullest?”

“Yeah, but being human is really not a lot of fun. How do you live an iteration like this ‘to the fullest’ Dude?”

“Get off your pity pot and grab your board. Maybe you’ll get lucky. A great white shark will get you, and you’ll come back as a Fig Eater Beetle.”

“Always a bright side.”

_____________________________________

Lamont and Dude are characters I came up with a few years ago. They have the uncanny ability to remember many of their past incarnations which gives them a unique perspective on life, the universe and everything.

Lamont and Dude Confront Reality

“Remember the volcanoes, Lamont? The beautiful flares of flame from a distance? I’d love to see that again. What’s wrong, buddy?”

“Yeah. Wish I’d known then what I know now.”

“Sorry?”

“You know. About seismic events.”

“Oh you mean when the earth moves.”

“Yes, Dude. I’m glad the girl down the boardwalk finally recognized your peculiar, I mean indisputable, charms.”

“I didn’t mean that. I meant volcanoes, earthquakes, asteroids, meteors and the like. What are you reading?”

“I’m reading about the meteor crater. Dude, I think our memories are seriously messed up. It seems we’ve conflated events, locales, everything. No wonder everyone laughs at me on television and thinks I’m a stand up comic.”

“No, Lamont. Your memories are fine. You just got the meteor wrong. We were no where near Arizona, and neither was the meteor. It was in the Yucatan. And the meteor didn’t kill us. It was the stuff that came after, the dust cloud, the sulphur dioxide released into the atmosphere, the resulting drastic cooling of the Earth’s atmosphere that killed plant life. Animals starved. We never ‘ran away’ from the meteor. The way I remember it, we went around eating carcasses for a while until, well, I got some bad meat, man. You were still there, but maybe you ate some too.”

“How prosaic. But, Dude. You’ve studied this.”

“Yeah. I’ve been hit in the head by my surfboard more than once. I wasn’t going to rely on my MIND.”

“So where were we, Dude?”

“Don’t be so downcast, Lamont. It’s not like the places are real in any real sense. Somewhere in Asia, probably. Maybe Alberta. I don’t really know.”

“Wow. All this time I’ve imagined…”

“I know, buddy. I know. Reality is a bitch.”

_______________________________

Lamont and Dude are characters I came up with a few years ago. They have the uncanny ability to remember many of their past incarnations which gives them a unique perspective on life, the universe and everything.

Lamont and Dude Continue to be Serious

“It wasn’t all velociraptors and Smilodons, Lamont.”

“News flash.”

“I mean, we were a lot of other things. Why isn’t the world interested in that?”

“What?”

“You know. I mean, being a salmon was pretty great while it lasted.”

“People get salmon in cans these days. I doubt most of them ever think about the wild nights and glorious days of salmon spawns.”

“True enough. OH well.”

“It’s actually pretty significant that humans admire predators more than prey. I think it runs deep in the human ‘soul’.”

“Why is that, Lamont? What are your ideas on that, because clearly you have some.”

“Well, every creature would rather NOT be killed. Look how fierce sparrows are defending their lilac bush and birdbath from house finches. It’s the scarcity model. Humanity has built most of its civilizations on that model. I wonder what animals would do if there was never any danger to their survival? A different model, you think?”

“For Smilodon there wasn’t much danger.”

“That’s my point, Dude. Only the top predators didn’t have to worry.”

“And that’s why humans are so fascinated by Smilodon and not oak trees?”

“I think oak trees are in their own class, I’m just thinking of sentient creatures who move around, you know?”

“It was a sad moment when you caught me, Lamont. I was enjoying my short life as a salmon.”

“I know, Dude, but a bear has needs, too.”

“That’s pretty much the bottom line, isn’t it.”

“So are you keeping your job? Surfing Smilodons have needs.”

“Yeah, I just called them. They’re relieved. My replacement doesn’t seem to ‘get it’. That’s their exact words.”

“Probably never been a top predator.”




Lamont and Dude Get Serious

“Feathers were a nice touch, don’t you think?”

“Dude what are you doing?”

“Reading about the new discoveries about Velociraptors. They’ve learned we had feathers. They could’ve asked.”

“Yeah, well, it really doesn’t matter how often I’m on television, no one really believes what I say. They think I’m a comedian.”

“Is that why you’ve been keeping a low profile, Lamont?”

“Naw. Just kind of over that like you’re over the smilodon suit.”

“I turned in my notice. Now I have to train a new guy. He has NO idea and when I say, ‘It wasn’t like that,’ he looks at me like I’m crazy and rolls his eyes.”

“The sad thing is no one will know the difference.”

“Probably doesn’t matter in the long run whether the guy gets it or not. Lamont have you ever thought maybe we ARE delusional and we don’t really ‘remember’? Maybe we just feed into each others delusions.”

“No. The human mind has capabilities that remain untapped and LOOOOONNNNGGG term memory is part of it. We’re biological matter one way or another throughout our numerous lives. Maybe we’re a tree for a couple of hundred years. Maybe part of us goes into the sediment as a rock. Maybe part of us emerges in another life as a hermit crab or star fish. Maybe as a chimpanzee. Depending how many of our molecules assemble in a being that has at least some awareness, we’re going to remember things. If enough end up in one human, well, here we are. And if we find an old friend?”

“I don’t know, Lamont. Science doesn’t back up your theory.”

“‘There are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio, than are dreamt of in your philosophy.’ Just because science hasn’t put the pieces together yet, doesn’t mean it’s not the truth.”

“Are you saying I shouldn’t quit the smilodon gig?”

“It’s a public service, Dude. Who else can explain the smilodon camouflage better than you?”

_____________________________________

Lamont and Dude are characters I came up with a few years ago. They have the uncanny ability to remember many of their previous incarnations. This gives them a unique perspective on life, the universe and everything.

Lamont and Dude Further Discuss Relocation

“So did you decide, Dude? Are you moving to the mountains?”

“No. I don’t think I’m the same being I was whenever that was and I lived in the mountains.”

“No more enlightenment on the species identification, then. Oh well. We can’t be expected to remember everything.”

“I think you were right. I was some kind of deer. I did a little research on those creatures and it’s not a bad life unless winter is hard and long.”

“Yeah, vegetarians have a greater dependency on climate than carnivores. If anything, bad seasons are good for carnivores.”

“I hadn’t thought of that.”

“Oh well. That’s why I always say, if you can’t come back as an ancient oak tree, come back as a carnivore.”

“Like there’s a lot of choice.”

“True enough, Dude. So you heading out? Looks like some pretty nice sets.”

“Yep. You coming, pardner?”

“Not today. You just git along little doggy. I’ll catch you later.”

Lamont and Dude are characters I came up with a few years ago. They have the uncanny ability to remember many of their past incarnations which gives them an unusual perspective on life, the universe and everything.

Lamont and Dude Discuss Relocation

“Howdy, pardner.”

“What? You channeling Gunsmoke or something?”

“Naw, just, I don’t know. Do you ever think of moving away from the beach, Lamont?”

“It’s all one place, Dude.”

“Yeah, but different phenomena. You yourself liked the British-Oak-Tree-Druids-Everywhere iteration best. This is a long way from that. Whoa, did you see that?”

“Every morning with my coffee. Swings past on skates wearing some fancy thong or another. On holidays he/she ‘dresses’ in, I dunno’, a semi-costume.”

“I do like the shades.”

“Yeah. Probably kept those safe since the 70s. You haven’t see him/her before?”

“Nope. I guess I’m usually out there this time of day. Really flat today.”

“You mean him/her or the ocean?”

“You’re so funny.”

“So where would you live if not here?”

“I dunno. Have you ever lived in the mountains? I did once. I remember it as harsh but beautiful.”

“When did you live in the mountains?”

“I’m not sure exactly. I’m not clear on what I was, but I did a lot of walking with others like me. We spent most of our time walking. I had four legs, I remember that.”

“Well that narrows things down. You were probably an ungulate. Do you remember what you ate?”

“Give me a minute.”

“It’s simple, Dude. Did you eat meat or trees? That’ll tell us everything. How was your hearing? Eyesight? Did you run away or toward?”

“What are you doing? Trying out the DSM sorter?”

“What?”

“You know. Distant Somatic Memory sorter.”

“It’s not that funny, Dude. I know you think my idea is dumb…”

“No, the idea is good. The acronym has been used, though.”

“So did you run toward or from?”

“Seems like I did a lot of leaping.”

“Well, then you weren’t a bison. We can check that off. Are you sure your not just remembering the halcyon days of your Smilodon iteration?”

“No mountains, you know that. You were there.”

“OK. Seriously, I think the big question is did you run toward or away. Away, you were prey. Toward, you were predator.”

“Duh.”

“Well, which was it?”

“I had really good hearing.”

“Not helpful. What did you listen for?”

“No memory, Lamont. Sorry.”

“OK, so when you were walking was this a seasonal thing? Like in summer did you go up hill and in fall down hill?”

“Oh, definitely down hill in fall.”

“Did you travel with others or alone?”

“There were others.”

“Prey. Well, I’ll leave it to you to figure out what kind, but I’d say you were a deer. Maybe you didn’t live long enough to have a good memory of the experience. You know. Wolves.”

“What difference does it make what I was? The question is what about blowing this pop stand and going to live in the mountains?”

“Why? You won’t have anything like THAT to look at.”

“Good god. Are those Easter Bunny ears?”


Lamont and Dude are characters I came up with a few years ago. They have the uncanny ability to remember many of their past incarnations. This gives them an unusual perspective on life, the universe and everything.

https://ragtagcommunity.wordpress.com/2019/01/06/rdp-sunday-fill-in-partner/

Lamont and Dude Ponder Love

“Happy New Year, Lamont!”

“Yappy Gnu Ears to Ewe!”

“Some party last night.”

“Yeah. I’ve lived too long for that shit any more, Dude. Next time, don’t ask me.”

“Ask you? I didn’t ask you. You were already here.”

“That seems to be the story of my lives. Did you remember dressing up in your Smilodon suit and asking Sweet Cheeks next door to marry you?”

“She might’ve said ‘Yes’ if you hadn’t told her that the last time she and I were married I killed her.”

“It’s true. ‘Predestined enemies’ the Chinese call it, people you fall in love with over multiple incarnations. If you remember that, you could anticipate these problems.”

“Why did I kill her last time?”

“I don’t know if it was last time. But you killed her for food.”

“Seriously?”

“You were very serious about it. Life had gotten pretty harsh. She would’ve killed and eaten you. You just got there first. It’s easy in these human iterations to forget what it is like being a wild animal.”

“What were we? I don’t remember this at all. Preying mantids? Tiger sharks?”

“Rabbits.”

“Rabbits???”

~~~

Lamont and Dude are characters I came up with a few years ago. They have the uncanny ability to remember many of their previous incarnations which gives them a unique perspective on life, the universe and everything.




Lamont and Dude Discuss Tradition

“Is it over yet? Can I come out?”

“What’s your problem with the holidays, Lamont?”

“Well, there’s all the kitsch, the expectations, the repetition of what we did last year…”

“That’s called ‘tradition’ Lamont.”

“…the illusion that it’s all somehow different and the world is going to change as a result of it. It doesn’t work that way. How’s the world going to change by doing the same thing you did last year and the year before? Show me ONE animal who celebrates ‘the holidays’.”

“Animals have bigger problems.”

“Yeah, exactly. Like food and kill or be killed. Whenever I see Santa and his Reindeer I think of the time I was a caribou. The whole thing shows little understanding of…”

“You were a caribou?”

“Yep. Wonderful times. Wandering with my pals for miles and miles in the snow, running from wolves, sometimes taking one down. I don’t know if I’ve told you this, Dude, but I loved the Ice Age.”

“It had its points, I’ll grant you, but it was cold. And as for Santa, in some parts of the world caribou are raised as domestic herd animals. It’s not totally crazy.”

“You don’t think caribou flying through the air is totally crazy? No wonder you were able to be a convincing Smilodon in that suit for such a long time.”

“I was convincing first because I was in that suit and second because I was once a Smilodon. I’d have made short shrift of you as a caribou. Remember that.”

“Short shrift. Now that’s one of the strangest phrases in English, don’t you think? What’s a ‘shrift’?”

***

Lamont and Dude are characters I came up with a few years ago. They have the uncanny ability to remember many of their previous incarnations which gives them a unique perspective on life, the universe and everything.


Lamont and Dude Ponder Friendship

“‘Unaware of the dangers that lay ahead, Lamont and Dude pursued the Protoceratops with a vengeance‘. What do you think?”

“No, Dude. No one had any desire for revenge against a protoceratops. They were just leathery sheep with armor and a nasty bite. You can’t write that.”

“I have to put some drama into this thing. Otherwise it’s just a dull recitation of, you know, a dull recitation.”

“There was plenty of drama without adding vengeance against leathery sheep. As I recall, somewhere in there was a meteor.”

“Who’s writing this? You had your chance. OK so what?”

“Just take out ‘with a vengeance.’ Wasn’t your whole idea to dispel the myth that we were evil predatory giant lizards?”

“Yeah, but I’m wondering about that now. We weren’t exactly giant and we weren’t evil, but lizard and predatory holds true.”

“When it came to the protoceratops, we were pretty evenly matched, too.”

“When it was two against one. Alone, we couldn’t take a protoceratops. We had to team up. That’s how we became friends.”

“Dinosaurs didn’t have friends, Dude.”

***
Lamont and Dude are characters I came up with a few years ago. They have the uncanny ability to remember many of their past incarnations which gives them a unique perspective on life, the universe and everything.

https://ragtagcommunity.wordpress.com/2018/11/29/rdp-thursday-unaware/

Lamont and Dude Celebrate a Birthday

 

“Happy birthday Lamont!”

“Dude, what?”

“Yep. On this day, 1743 years ago, you fell from your mom during a windstorm, landed in rich humus of oak leaves, dirt, and cow dung.”

“What are you talking about?”

“You were a tiny acorn. No one imagined that out of the hundreds tossed about in the gale, YOU would send down roots, send up shoots, reach your tiny branches to the sky, and voilá, after a couple of centuries your gnarled and lovely branches would shelter many a weary traveler, host many a Druid feast, provide a home for squirrels, insects, birds, your friend Mr. Owl…”

“Good lord. Mr. Owl?”

“You don’t remember?”

“Yeah, but I don’t think I called him ‘mister’. How do you know I was ‘born’ on that day?”

“I was there, remember?”

“You were an acorn.”

“Yeah, but I was paying attention. Anyway, that storm was unforgettable.”

“Apparently.”

“Mom made it through. Amazing, considering her great age.”

“I don’t remember ‘mom’ at all.”

“Well, you fell pretty far away from her nurturing influence.”

“Don’t you have a job to go to or something? A Smilodon suit to don? A long, harrowing drive?”

“I quit. Last week. I told you. It got to be tedious after a while. Those Smilodon urges, well, you know. You can’t just put on a costume week after week and not want to hunt mastodons.”

“I think I could do that, Dude. I mean, it was an income. That was a good thing. You got paid a lot…”

“To sweat for two days a week, snarl and make paw swipes, hanging around while my ‘handler’ let the kiddies ask questions that I wasn’t allowed to answer. It’s amazing to me what these so-called scientists don’t seem to know. You’d think they’d remember a little something.”

***

Lamont and Dude are characters I came up with a few years ago. They have the uncanny ability to remember many of their past incarnations which gives them a unique perspective on life, the universe and everything.

P.S. Decided to test out WP’s new editor. Has some glitches but so far so good. I didn’t challenge it much. You can edit the size of an image without going away from your post, which is nice.

https://ragtagcommunity.wordpress.com/2018/11/14/rdp-wednesday-birthday/