Quotidian Update 52.01.vii

II woke up at 5:30 this morning to a flipped a circuit breaker, and, going into the coldest part of the day, I thought I might have wanted the heater in my bedroom. SO…wandered outside with a flashlight in a state of “Deshabille” that made me — and would have made my neighbors — grateful for the high fence. The dogs thought it was great that I’d joined their early morning, uh, ritual.

The clouds are gathering apace (always wanted to write that) darkening the sky. Snow falls tentatively. No wind (so far). All good signs from my point of view. The dogs and I have left the Crane Tourists in peace for the better part of the last week and we’re antsy. If the weather is bad enough (meaning, for us, good enough), in the words of William Wallace (via Braveheart) FREEDOM!!

The “project” — drastically “editing” my personal journals — has focused me intently for the past few days (just as well; the Refuge hosts a lot of people in this season) and I have gotten through 25 of 27 volumes of “The Examined Life.” On my drawing table is a set of piles; each pile a cluster of things I want — at the very least — to have another look at. The big recycling trash can in my alley is now full of shredded time, and I feel like a new person in a way, lighter and liberated, with a clearer head. Of these things I want to make something lovely, but I don’t know what, yet.

The two remaining volumes? One of them will be very difficult. There was one year in my life that was insane (literally) and intense. I was walking into a dark lake, ever further out, ever deeper. There was no way to turn around; the only way was forward. I had to keep going. We have words and labels for that, but they are vague gestures, more dismissal than illumination. The most painful journeys sometimes take us exactly where we need to go, and the fruit of that year was — many years later — Martin of Gfenn.

The two big books under Candide and Pangloss I have yet to purge. The other books are photo albums and two are “keepers.”

12 thoughts on “Quotidian Update 52.01.vii

  1. There is something liberating about that chore of shredding the past, isn’t there?! I’ve made some progress in my project, but there’s still lots to do!

  2. I’ve been working on my things from the past for a while off and on, and it is a great feeling to read and weed through them, just keeping what feels right

  3. I have a gazillion (no exaggeration) of photos that I am keeping–old photos from a film camera. That will be the history of my time on this earth. Written word? No. So glad for the lightness and liberation for you, Martha. It is a good feeling and isn’t it weird how you feel like a burden has been lifted and you didn’t even know you had a burden. I totally get it.

  4. Glad the project has almost been completed and that you have cleared out the clutter (literally and figuratively). When I see big bags of shredded paper I get an urge to make paper mache masks or figures… guess that’s what happens when your mother is a first grade teacher!

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