Life’s Weird

So yesterday? Last night? I noticed flashes of light in my peripheral vision. This is not a good thing. It can be a sign of retinal damage. I went to my eye doctor this afternoon and, for various reasons that no one but me needs to understand, he was unable to tell for sure if there is retinal damage. Tomorrow morning I’ll be driving over a snowy fucking mountain pass to Colorado Springs to see a specialist in the afternoon. Prayer and good thoughts very much appreciated.

43 thoughts on “Life’s Weird

  1. You have my prayers.

    Happened to me once after our cat swatted me in the eye as I was picking him up to bring him inside. (Just protesting but not trying to hurt me. No claws.) Went to the ophthalmologist and he said no permanent damage. Dodged a bullet.

  2. I will be waiting with keen interest to find out what you learn. A couple weeks ago I suddenly had those flashing lights in my peripheral vision (still do, occasionally), and – at the same time – a whole bunch of those annoying floaters appeared in my right eye. This happened once before, years ago – both the bright flashes and the floaters – and I kept going to the eye doctor who kept saying everything was fine, it happens. I guess that’s why I haven’t gone the eye doctor this time. But maybe I should. Drive safe and I hope it turns out to be the same nothing-burger it was for me years ago.

    • Thank you, Rebecca. ❤ My doc here says I'm probably fine, but there's no way that I can't not find out for sure. He explained that most of the time it's just the normal result of an eye aging. I don't have some of the other symptoms of retinal detachment, but it could be that I don't have them YET. I have in that eye a thing called Asteroid Hyalosis which is a fancy name for a very intense web of stuff and he wasn't able to see through it to my retina.

  3. Dear Martha, this are no good news and my thoughts and good wishes are with you! I hope that things will be sorted out quickly and I’m sure that the ophthalmologists know their job. At the same time, it is important that you do not lose your mental balance and look to the future with confidence. Inner worries and hardships are not good companions in difficult phases of our lives. But you are experienced and familiar with the ups and downs of life and you will do the right thing. I send you virtual rays of sunshine and positive thoughts. f

    • Thank you, Friedrich. It was a rough night, but I figured a lot of things out. I’m not risking it driving over either of those passes this morning. Anyway, I wrote about it. I did lose my mental balance and that gave me something to think about. We’re just living in really scary times and I think the .5% chance there was something wrong with my eye absolutely terrified me and I didn’t hear the 99.5% chance there is nothing wrong. I heard it at about 3 am. I think we’ve just had so much very scary stuff shoveled at us for the past few years maybe none of us is completely balanced any more. ❤

      • Yes, I thought it was possible that you overreacted. Nevertheless, have it looked at by a specialist….But above all, keep a cool head and warm feet.

        Yes, the last few years have not been easy and I’m afraid we still have a long way to go. About a year ago someone told me they saw light at the end of the tunnel, I replied that it was more likely to be from an oncoming train. And my opinion on it hasn’t changed.

        Many here have only now understood that the bombs are only falling a few hundred kilometers from here. Whether chemical weapons will follow or mini-nukes, as is sometimes thought, is speculation. But what it means when the world’s largest breadbasket fails to harvest has real consequences. Not only for African countries. And since we live in a globalized world, it makes sense to me to think about how we can mentally deal with the possible scenarios ourselves.

        • I realized sometime last night that probably no one is all right at this point.

          I think there was a chain reaction of over-reactions yesterday. Mine was the craziest, but then it is my eye. Anyway, now I’m mostly tired and feel stupid for having scared people.

          • You shouldn’t think like that, as well as all of us know how stressful this time we are living in can be. The number of people, and unfortunately it is mainly young people, who now need professional psychological care has increased by leaps and bounds here. The older semesters usually try to deal with it themselves, but the hotlines have also reached their capacity limits. It is all the more up to us to avoid unqualified media, to make the best of every day and to look for what is uplifting.

            • You’re right. It is about making the best of every day and finding what nurtures us as people. This has been a really bizarre time and I think, “Well human beings have been through worse and they held it together” but maybe they didn’t. That’s not something history tells us. They had to have been frightened and unbalanced.

              • It would be cynical to say that some of us should read Darwin again. But at least some essentials should be thought about. When this corona crap started, people rolled over their heads with statements like: this will change our society for the better. Everyone will love each other and then we will focus on the real values again. Now we have another mantra: we will all save the environment and love all animals because now we have learned our part. Then next month we have another mantra and that will last just as long as it’s entertaining.

                • I never saw it that way. I guess figured that I didn’t know what the upshot of all that would be. People surprised me both in the capacity for good and for evil. Blew me away. One person’s “real values” do not seem to be the next person’s “real values.” When I learned that one of my friends was refusing a vaccination because then another of her friends wouldn’t like her any more, I thought, “Wow. So the continued friendship of a person who is indifferent to the well-being of others matters more to you than the well-being of others?” Couldn’t fathom it. Still can’t. Lots of stuff I can’t fathom. That all made it really difficult to maintain the illusion that things are pretty OK over all. Now I think I have no idea if they’re pretty OK or not.

                  Thinking of Darwin isn’t cynical. I didn’t go directly to Darwin, but everything I learned out there mostly alone with the cranes and other animals (and throughout my life) conveyed the message that anything that doesn’t look out for the well-being of the “flock” is doomed. Some of the top predators may lead solitary lives out there in the wild but it’s because food is scarce for them. Others find they do better hunting in packs. It all (IMO) merits observation and contemplation. We humans don’t even know whether we’re tigers, wolves or apes. Consistent survival-driven behavior across our species never seems to have existed unless it exists in a way that I don’t understand. We are an “us vs. them” species. It was no fun to have that message hit home so hard in the past few years in American politics and the response to Covid.

                  I don’t think I’ll ever understand people in general.

                  • “I don’t think I’ll ever understand people in general”. That’s the way it is. Now you might think that we could start to understand ourselves, but that doesn’t always work 100% either 🙂 And yet whole countries rise up to explain to others how wrong they are.

                    • I don’t understand myself. What happened in my small life yesterday, last night and this morning makes NO sense to me. Thankfully one of the Archetypes took over for me this morning and proceeded to unpack before I even understood what I was NOT going to do. OH well… 😀

  4. Yep, absolutely scary. Happened to me. Flashing lights and the appearance of a beaded curtain in the periphery. I went home and did some internet reading, found that it might be a detached retina and I could be blind within hours. Went to urgent care, they sent me immediately to the ER. I was diagnosed with Posterior Vitreous Detachment and sent home – a normal sign of aging, prevalent in those with nearsightedness, and usually benign. The flashes continued for several years (only when turning my head quickly in the dark) and became more entertaining than anything. (The ophthalmologist said they might last for days or weeks, not years.) I also found that, after that, I could see and count my pulse in that eye if I unfocused my vision. It happened in the other eye several years later and was much briefer and milder. You should definitely get checked out thoroughly. While PVD is more likely than a detached retina, you’ll want to know for sure. They are similar, but detaching one place is way better than detaching in the other. Good luck!

    • My plan now is to make an appointment with an ophthalmologist in Colorado Springs when it won’t be crazy dangerous to drive over the pass and I can make arrangements for the dogs. I don’t think it’s a crisis any more. It hasn’t even gotten to 0 F and the chain law is still in effect. If I were to make it, I’d have to have left 30 minutes ago. I wish someone would let me in on the big picture, but that’s not happening.

  5. The eye is made up of so many parts that the retina is a part of the concern. You should get it checked out when you can get to the doctors safely! But if it’s not repeating itself now, it’s probably the 99.5%. You’ve just done a lot of reading in a hurry — perhaps it’s just a warning of eye strain! Don’t feel stupid about scaring people — we all have scary times, and it helps to let out the fears! Be safe, though — your morning plan is much more appropriate than making the trip today!

      • But best to get it checked out when it is safe to do so! There are many things that could be happening other than a detached retina, most of which can be treated at least with some level of prevention.

          • That sounds like a plan. Remember that they will need to dilate your eyes — but a couple of days away from home may be the best medicine of all, and hopefully the passes will be safer to travel by then!

              • Sounds good — by then the trip won’t be so dangerous, and you will have had time to rest and relax a bit. That will help your perspective too. I know you don’t WANT to go, but it is important to check it all out and be certain! I’ll be anxious to hear the results!

                • Yep. I can choose when I leave home to avoid anything bad that might be in the forecast. It’s a Friday so I can spend the weekend and come home. I don’t want to go through a night like last night again if I can avoid it. ❤

                  • You can probably expect some anxiety, but you’ve gone through the worst of it, and you will have had plenty of time to think it through and have an optimistic attitude that it’s not an emergency or anything serious but, at most, something to be watched. My thoughts are with you! ❤

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