Thanks for Everything! Ciao…

After four days of not writing my blog, I realize that I really might be finished. I’ll be leaving this up until it expires in a month or two while I glean from it things I want to keep, and letting it become a free blog (if I keep it at all).

The past two years have been primarily me putting a good face on things, living in a kind of stasis, unconsciously waiting things out. I think that might be true of many other people all over the world because of Covid and, maybe, because of politics. We have vaccines, some people don’t take them. We elected a president with a plan who’s accomplished a lot more than the news gives him credit for. It’s fucked up but I can’ fix it. Not only that, I’m not going to wake up some morning and find it’s all over. A few evenings ago, I posted a poorly written rant about Covid in response to what I thought was a poorly expressed interview by a doctor. As I read that interview, a little mechanism inside me snapped and said, “There’s no fix to this shit. Move on, sweet cheeks.” My rant elicited blowback I never expected. I began wondering why I’d even written it since I already know that my opinions about all this are completely useless and irrelevant. I don’t want to push anyone’s buttons or touch anyone’s nerves. So why did I write it?

As often happens with me, stuff was working itself out on a back burner. Not every important thing in our lives happens in the front of our consciousness. That plus the fall that could have been so much worse and turning 70? What, do I have all the time in the world? I don’t. An K95 mask and a vaccine aren’t going to protect me from death’s welcoming door. It was a huge wake-up call once I put everything together. This has been a wonderful neighborhood and I’ve loved it, but it’s time for me to go.

A long long long time ago (1998?) I wanted badly to go to Colorado. I packed my dog, got in my car, headed up the hill to Alpine from San Diego and the water pump went out. I coasted down to town — all the way home, in fact (standard transmissions are awesome) and had the car hauled to the shop which was in walking distance from my house. The next day I went to school where I was teaching. That was when I got a personal email address: mindwanderweg. Wanderweg is German for hiking trail. My dream as I set out on that trip had been hiking with my dog in the Colorado mountains. But the only Colorado trails I was going to hike that year were in my mind. So, mindwanderweg. I’m not going physically anywhere now, either, so…

I’m in a similar place. For a couple of years I’ve had a story in the back of my mind (and the deeper recesses of the hard drive on my laptop). It has moved forward and it’s time to work. It’s historical fiction set in the early 13th century in Italy. I don’t write bodice rippers. I do hardcore, legit research and this is a situation where all I really know about the story is the story line and something about my characters (I can create that) but the world in which they live? I have a lot to learn. 🙂

Good luck everyone. Keep your chins up. Stay well and hopeful. ❤

38 thoughts on “Thanks for Everything! Ciao…

  1. Martha, I understand how you must feel and there is so much in what you say I agree with. I also understand that voice that pushes us to create. I am sad to think I will not see you here, but I do understand. I have gotten lazy myself. I read so many of the blogs I follow, but have been lazy about commenting of late. To think we are headed into a third year feels futile. I hope it is not. Wherever you go and whatever you do, I wish you well. Maybe an occasional post just to say hello might feel okay. (That’s me not wanting to see you go.)

  2. Martha–I will miss you–very much. Take care of you and Bear and Teddy. A little ‘hello, I’m still here’ from time to time would be great, but no pressure. 😘

    • Yeah — I guess I’ll let the paid plan lapse and see what happens. I just realized that the world is stuck, but that doesn’t mean I have to be. ❤ Anyway, you have ALL my addresses.

  3. Well, I’ll miss reading your blog. Ophelia said to send her love to Bear and Teddy. She hopes you want be strangers and drop by occasionally ♥️

  4. I hear you, Martha. I have been absent much of the time for a few months. The creative juices just fall flat (that plus not being as retired as I used to be). Stress of the damn covid plus life. I have been reading your posts in my notifications – and I did appreciate your covid rant. There is no fix to this shit – hard for those of us who want/need to fix things though. The book in you deserves to see the light of day. But I will miss you here. ❤️

  5. we will all miss the 3 of you, and that would be great if you stop by from time to time when you’re feeing it, that’s perfect. I will miss what you call your rants, to me they just seem very fair and reasonable and a response to untenable circumstances and the frustration they bring on. enjoy your book on Italy, and every step of the process along the way. best –

    • ❤ Thank you, Beth. These are untenable circumstances and I realized that I've been trying to "tend to" them at the expense of the things that belong to me. It was one thing in 2020 when I could believe (naively) that things would get better dramatically with a new president and a vaccine, but now? I believe this is now our normal life so? ❤

  6. It’s good to have a project, Martha. There has to be something worth living for (cue song intro). I missed your rant. I normally like them. I look forward to the next book. I always learn so much from your books, plus they are a thoroughly good read.

  7. That sounds very definitive and I’m sorry to hear that! Maybe you just need a break? Writing regular blog posts is exhausting, especially since you’re not a teenager anymore. We often ask way too much of ourselves and forget the importance of a good rest. And theses phases are (for me) always towards the end of winter.

    Covid hit us all. Some watch Netflix series until they drop, others drink too much and others take the opportunity to argue extensively with their partners.

    But you know best what you need and do and I wish you a lot of strength and success with your book. (BTW: I think it’s ok to occasionally post something that you don’t quite see a few days later. We all do.)

  8. I will so miss reading your blog. Even though you are going off on other pursuits I hope you will drop in to say hi on my blog every now and then…. Best wishes!!

  9. I understand. I am working on not one but two books at the moment, which is why I check in here about once a week rather than every day, and why I have never been as quick to respond to folks as you have been. Maybe scaling back will not only give you the time to research and write, but might set a new precedent for checking in but not being overwhelmed by the blogosphere and its demands. And … I appreciate your rants! XXOO

  10. I’m perpetually late to the party, but show up for the good stuff. I felt everything you wrote. I started my blog when Covid hit, my workkamping job in Alaska got cut, and I felt at the end of my rope. Finding you had been a source of joy. And now I’ll jump to your next chapter. ❤️❤️❤️

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