Yesterday, to combat my dark mood, I started in on the big pile of contest books. I’m glad I did because I found some good ones and one that is stunningly beautiful. I love that. I went through them all yesterday, reconciled the actual books with my lists, set up their critique sheets and actually finished a few of the shorter ones. It kept me off the streets which was good since the wind was howling around the house most of the day.
I also appreciate your encouraging comments yesterday. I guess all we can do is our best under our circumstances. It did get me thinking about “success.” I still don’t know what it is other than it probably isn’t measurable. Two unrelated, pretty random things led to that coil of self-doubt we all hold inside: my 70th birthday coming up and a headline from The NY Times, “How do you know when the world is finished with you?” or something like that. I couldn’t actually read it because of the pay wall but…
In other news, 7 to 10 inches of snow is predicted for my former mountains in Southern California. We’ve gotten a big dump of snow here in the mountains, but nothing here on the valley floor. My pussy-willow is blooming, and even the talk I had with her yesterday had no effect. I think I’m just going to have to abandon hope this winter. Who knows?
Women's Wilderness Legend “Summer is the season of inferior sledding” - Inuit proverb 
Self doubt is one of my closest companions x I think it’s part of being human. Better than arrogance xxx
Oh Chris, you are so right. It’s far better than arrogance. ❤
❤️ If your old POTUS had an ounce of self doubt things may have been much better! I wonder if there is an ancient saying to fit….
I almost mentioned him in my post then I thought, “Maybe it’s his massive insecurity that makes him the reprehensible narcissist he is.” He’s a mystery to me…
Good point!
‘an ounce of self doubt removes a year of arrogance’?
Maybe…
Yeah, I don’t think I could write sayings for a living!
There’s a project! 😀
😂 Oh no!
I had some self-doubt, then I wasn’t sure if that was appropriate…;)
Ha ha ha!
We got six inches of fluffy white here on the north Oregon coast, a rare thing. And self-doubt, sometimes, keeps a person honest. Onward!
❤ You're right Jim. My old pal in Seattle says they got six inches, too. I just don't know… If I watered, I'd have a green lawn right now.
Snow in Seattle…now that’s news! We had a little when I woke up. It was heavy and wet, being above freezing. I slept in and the neighbor had already shoveled our sidewalk. I guess we’re now the old folks on the block so the young ‘uns help us out.
Ha haha! We old folks are the only people shoveling in my neighborhood. The guy next door has a snow blower but when they’re out of town, I shovel their walk and that ends up to being almost the whole block. Luckily, I enjoy it.
Self doubt always seems to cycle around, I find. I love those long stretches where I’m not questioning everything and just living life to my best. As far as what success is, each person has to define that for themselves. I can’t believe the weather you are having. We just got a foot of snow and now we are in a week of deep freeze, -35c here today. Too cold to walk Ophelia.
“Hi Ophelia, Bear here. It’s no good having snow when you can’t go for a walk. I hope things improve soon. Your pal, Bear.”
I can’t believe our weather, either. I’m at the point almost that if it does snow I’ll just feel betrayed. 😀 I have never been able to define success for myself. I just do stuff. If I attempt to look at it from some external perspective, I just feel bad. So…I’m going to attempt to recapture that equilibrium of just doing stuff and forgetting the external stuff.
Ophelia says “right??”
I’ve never found it helpful to gage my success on outside perspectives. Just keep doing what you do Martha and all will be great! I know that’s an outside perspective, but you can bend the rules for me (HAHA)!!
Yep. I think I can trust your opinion on this. 😀
😃
Like I normally do, I’m reading your posts out of order. When I’ve gone several days without seeing you I feel withdrawals coming on. I understand ANY dark mood at this point. It’s very cool that you judge books, Martha. All of your gifts just coil around you! 🤍