Lamont and Dude Contemplate Romantic Love

“What’s that, Dude?”

“Isn’t this lovely?”


“Uh-oh what?”

“Yeah, they’re cute but seriously, Dude. After a few craft beers, a few afternoons grilling steaks or veggie-burgers here on the patio, it always falls apart for you. Can’t you understand the essential problem for us in the human mating game this go-around is WE KNOW TOO MUCH?”

“Who’s ‘mating’? I just found this on the beach. What’s it made of?”

“Nacre. Better known as mother-of-pearl. Oh, thank god. I thought, you know, you were back in that bit of buying shiny things for some recently discovered hot babe who can’t even surf.”

“No, Lamont. C-O-V-I-D, remember? Too risky. Besides, I like kissing.”


“You never fell in love, Lamont?”

“Dude, human love is a very complicated subject, a multi-dimensional crapshoot all built around the prime directive, the continuation of the species. I’ve always been a rather straight-forward kind of being, whatever the iteration. All this frou-frou to make something out of, well…”

“It’s not nothing, Lamont.”

“BEARS have it figured out. Wander around in the woods smelling her scent, her pee, where she sleeps, always keeping your distance, because, well, you know bears. Then, when you realize from smelling her urine that she’s into you, you approach her and hang out together for several days doing your best to further the existence of the species. Then, take off. She has work to do.”

“Yeah, but come spring she had to worry you’d kill the cubs.”

“Love hurts, Dude. You know that.”


Lamont and Dude are characters I came up with a few years ago. They have the uncanny ability to remember many of their past incarnations which gives them a unique perspective on life, the universe and everything.

10 thoughts on “Lamont and Dude Contemplate Romantic Love

  1. I like their names! And their conversation made me giggle. I’m sure they’d choose any life prior to the Covid one. Their perspectives were enjoyed. ❣

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