In the Workshop of the Big Guy

“I don’t know how to tell the Big Guy.”

“Do we have to?”

“I think it’s the right thing to do. He’ll forgive us, but…”

“He might not. He’s been known to… you know, LUCIFER!!”


“What did we do wrong, exactly? Our job is just to keep things moving down there, make sure the domestic star is where it’s supposed to be, you know.”

“Yeah, I know, but maybe we weren’t paying attention. Maybe they weren’t supposed to get SO MUCH of this stuff all at once. The Big Guy promised them a long time ago that He wouldn’t dump too much on them.”

“That was back when he had a more hands-on role. He backed off a while back.”

“Because he’d trained us. He trusted us and now? We’ve let the whole shit show…”

“You know what I think? Those beings down there ought to be better at handling this stuff. They have a lot of good books filled with advice and wisdom, they have memories and free will. They’ve learned a LOT over the millennia. It’s really not our fault that they haven’t assumed the level of control they’re capable of. It’s not like they’re not informed.”

“What’s up, guys?”

“Uh, hi Big Guy.”

“You’re worried, aren’t you? You think I’m going to send you down there with Lucifer because of the way this arbitrary designation of non-existent time is going down there on my pet planet.”

“Honestly, Big Guy…”

“There’s no point attempting dishonesty with the Big Guy, Uriel.”

“Yeah, we’re afraid you’re going to blame us and…”

“You forget who’s the boss up here. You don’t think I KNOW what’s been going on? I can see clearly, now the question is why?”

“Yeah, well, THEY’RE all asking that.”

“I set the universe up to function fine on its own. Sure, sentient beings were a risk, a big risk, but there they are. Sadly, they are pretty short-sighted and still mainly animals, so the thinking thing remains problematic. It’s not you, boys. It’s not even me. I’m not angry. I’ve never been angry — well, I was pretty pissed at Lucifer, mostly for being stupid — and I’ve never exacted vengeance. In reality, I’m pretty incomprehensible to those little guys down there and like everything, they paint me with the only colors they have.”

“So what’s going on, Big Guy?”

“Well, Gabe, they just got a shitload of trouble this ‘year’. It’s not a glitch and you guys didn’t mess up. It’s just a real mess down there. I just pray they use their heads, but they keep going off half-cocked.”

“You PRAY?”

“Sure. It’s a way to clear my mind.”

“You have to clear YOUR mind?”

“Don’t you? Isn’t that why you two were just jabbering when I came in?”

“How can we help them? I love them. I hate to see them going through all this.”

“Me too, but they have to if they’re going to come to grips with the problems that keep coming up over and over in their world. The solutions are simple. They just have to employ them. They have all the tools they need. They don’t really need you two fussing over them. C’mon. Uriel, Gabe, let’s go get a pizza. My treat.”


Caveat: This is pure fiction and not meant to disrespect anyone’s beliefs or disbeliefs.

16 thoughts on “In the Workshop of the Big Guy

  1. Hehe! I bet the Big Guy likes pineapple on his pizza! Anyway we do know the answers but we are too afraid to fix things because it will make some folks a little less filthy rich and give the poor enough to enjoy life. And we all know that would be a shift in the dynamic akin to the meteor striking the earth and leading to the extinction of the dinosaurs… Personally I’m ready for a little divine intervention. Maybe after he’s had a good meal and consulted with Mike & Raphael (and I’m not talking about the TMNT) we can get a little break in the action…

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