Lamont and Dude Discuss Victory

“Lamont, do you remember vanquishing anything?”

“Well, I vanquished you that time you were a salmon. You were delicious. For that matter, I guess when you were a young Smilodon and I was an aged mammoth, you vanquished me but…”

“Doesn’t seem quite right, does it?”

“Why not? It’s kill or be killed out there and food is for eating.”

“I mean vanquishing is about destroying your enemy. I didn’t see you as my enemy back in the day, Lamont. I saw you as dinner.”

“Good point, Dude. Kind of the opposite of an enemy.”

“Right? What about the meteor? Weren’t we vanquished by the meteor?”

“No. By your logic there has to be enmity. That meteor didn’t even know we were there. That was just our bad luck.”

“For the meteor too. I don’t think it wanted to crash into a planet. I think it wanted to keep going.”

“Accepting your absurd theory that a meteor has desires and goals, I agree with you, Dude. But in real life? It was just a rock hurtling through space. Why are we having this conversation?”

“Well, first, the surf is pretty flat. Second, I was reading this morning that doctors all over the world are trying to ‘vanquish’ this virus.”

“Typical human anthropomorphization.”

“That’s a hell of a word. So the virus isn’t an enemy?”

“No. It’s a virus. Just a weird little not-quite-alive-not-exactly-not-alive microscopic thing floating around. Humans won’t ‘vanquish’ it. It will always be there. It has always been there; it just never affected them before.”

“I wish the surf would come up.”

“What about when the tide comes back?”

“Naw, not even then.”

“I hate this time of year.”

15 thoughts on “Lamont and Dude Discuss Victory

  1. Sgeoil said it – this is my favorite Dude and Lamont episode to date! Absurdity doesn’t seem to touch the level of strange to describe the response to this pandemic!!

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