“Panty hose.”

“What about them?”

“I snagged it on a weed or something. I’m going to get a run. Why did they ever invent these?”

“They’re not as embarrassing as garter belts?”

“I think it’s money. With regular hose, you just replace the leg with the runner, not the whole pair! You could carry spares in your purse. Carrying a pair of these in your purse? You need a fucking suitcase.”

“What’s WRONG with you?”

“This is just dumb. Why can’t we wear pants?”

“I don’t know. I didn’t make the dress code.”

“I hate this.”

“We can stop at Safeway. I think we have time.”

“I don’t have any money. Seriously?”

“Just a thought.”

“It’s OK. Sorry for being so grumpy.”

“Maybe they’ll change the dress code. Aren’t you on student council?”

“No, not me. That’s for the ‘socials’.”

“I thought you were a ‘social’.”

“Not hardly. Oops. There it goes.”

“Yeah, that’s a good one.”

“You know what? I’m taking them off.”

And so Margaret stopped in the field, kicked off her shoes, and pulled down her pantyhose. Her 16 year old heart thumped hard, “Fuck it,” and her existential act was complete. When they reached the mall between the field and school, she shoved them into a trash can in front of the drugstore. It would be opaque, colored tights from then on, until they changed the dress code.


23 thoughts on “Hosed

  1. Those are a royal pain. I rarely wear them. The pair I still own probably has rotted elastic by now. And to think…at first I couldn’t wait to wear them. The teenager thing. That didn’t last long. 🙂

  2. I have a couple pair for that moment when I need to wear a dress to a funeral or wedding… That said I wear leggings now. Much more comfortable. My parents didn’t want me to wear stockings but i did anyway- I was so skinny that a rubberband on each leg and then rolled down held them in place. My mother had a drawer full of mismatched stockings. They probably looked ridiculous since the heel was half way up my calf!

    • Ha ha ha. I had to wear stockings in 6th grade for a choir thing and my mom was incensed!!!! Where I lived, girls wore socks. Then we moved from Nebraska to Colorado (9th grade) and the girls wore stockings! I went from being the coolest girl at school in Nebraska to being the biggest nerd on the planet in Colorado Springs. I think it was good for me. 🙂

  3. had to wear them all my time I was at school in higher grades. If one leg got a run we would cut that one off, wait until another pair got a run and just take the leg off then put the two pair of tights/stockings with one leg each on. Saved a fortune. lol. Thankful for nail polish too saved a lot of the runs from spreading to far.

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