Lamont and Dude Can’t Surf

“We got a precise date, well, pretty precise, Lamont.”

“For what?”

“The Great Feast.”

“Oh, you mean…”

“Yeah. It was — here are you ready?”

“One and a half million years ago. So?”

“How did you??? We just sent those bones for carbon dating last week!”

“It’s not rocket science, Dude. It’s a pretty well-known number. But I also figured something out.”


“You were just a Smilodon kitten, right?”

“Pretty much.”

“It sucked for you worse than it did for me. I was an old mammoth. You’d barely started out on your incarnation journey. I’m sorry, Dude. I imagine your whole family was with you on that hunt?”


“Just the same all around story of sentient life on planet Earth. I’m sorry for all the grief I’ve given you over that moment. That hunt was glorious for you. You went down honorably, killing a big beast.”

“This isn’t like you, Lamont. Where’s your existential cynicism this morning?”

“I’ve been thinking. Yeah, it’s kill-or-be-killed. We know that. That’s so far from news, about as far as you can get from news. It’s the stuff between the kill-or-be-killed that’s important.”

“Whoa. Oprah’s really getting to you. I want my friend back.”

“Dude, you want to catch a few later?”

“The ocean is closed.”

“They can’t close the fucking ocean.”

“To get to the ocean you have to go across the beach. The beach is closed.”

“Remember when we were Sandhill Cranes?”

“That was good. That was one of the best. Right after the La Brea Tarpits debacle, unless I’m mistaken.”

“That’s how it seems to me. Think about it Dude. Because of that moment here in LA that ended in the sainted tar pits we ended up together flying back and forth across the continent, free and unfettered, for many years.”

“How did we end up that time?”

“Not sure. My guess is a Smilodon took us down. Or a dire wolf. You know. Like always. Or even a proto-coyote. It was pretty late in the Ice Age, if my memory serves.”

“I sure wish we could go out there. They’re breaking beautiful today.”

“Soon, I hope, Dude. Maybe if we put our masks on.”

Lamont and Dude are characters I came up with a few years ago. They have the uncanny ability to remember many of their past incarnations which gives them an unusual perspective on life, the universe and everything.

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