Lamont and Dude Discuss Existential Doubt

“Lamont, you want a sandwich?”

“Whaddaya got?”

“Your favorite. Turkey breast, bacon, provolone and avocado.”

“That’s not my favorite. That’s Clarabelle or whoever’s favorite. You just can’t forget her, can you?”


“I don’t know her name. I can’t keep track. It seems like there’s one perky blond after another traipsing through here.”



“You’re in a mood.”

“Who wouldn’t be?”

“It’s actually cool you were a Columbian Mammoth. Why are you so hung up on being a wooly mammoth? Besides, who’s to say you WEREN’T a wooly mammoth? It was a long era.”

“That’s a good point, Dude. I don’t know why it matters so much.”

“I think I do, but if I say, you’ll hit me.”

“Just say it. If I hit you, you’ll get over it. You can always run.”

“You hate to be wrong. Especially about your earlier lives. You hate it. You’re afraid you might be, might be…”

“Might be what? We’ve BEEN giants. There’s no ‘might be’ involved there AT ALL.”

“You’re afraid you might be the fake you’ve been accused of being so often by the mainstream press and the scientific community.”

“I know I’m not a fake and you know it, too.”

“But still. You’re human. There’s always that lingering, existential doubt.”

“So you think I MIGHT have been a wooly mammoth in some iteration I can’t remember?”

“What if I leave out the avocado?”

Lamont and Dude are characters I came up with a few years ago. They have the uncanny ability to remember many of their past iterations which gives them an uncanny perspective on life the universe and everything.

18 thoughts on “Lamont and Dude Discuss Existential Doubt

        • Dude and Lamont are. Dude’s won prizes, he’s so good (what?). 🙂 I guess because I started writing about them soon after I moved here (or even before?) and San Diego was still very alive in my mind. Now it’s just fun. Plus the Tar Pits are in LA.

          • I haven’t yet recovered from Tom Brady leading 27,000 Mexican soldiers into America to kill the virus … or that I have to explicitly point out that you shouldn’t drink bleach, but you should not use ultra super expensive Polish vodka as a cleanser. Dude and Lamont are much smarter than that. Maybe it’s the surfing. It makes them smarter. By the way, the reason I said that was a California sandwich is the simple availability of avocado. We grew them in Israel at what turned out to be (in Swiss currency — I had a Swiss friend visit me) the equivalent of 10 cents per pound. He was deeply envious.

            I actually got used to having avocado for lunch every day. A lot of people brought crates of them into work (free) because they lived on a kibbutz where they suffered from an excess of avocadoes. They also brought in sabras (prickly pears) and other fruit by the crate because it was too ripe to sell but highly edible.

            • Prickly pears are very tasty once you burn off the nasty, hair-like stickers 🙂 It IS a California sandwich. I didn’t “meet” it in Denver.

              As for the Mexicans and Tom Brady etc. here’s the theme song for our government:

    • I don’t think they’re stupid at all. What they are DOING seems stupid to US, but they are doing it intentionally with malice of forethought.

      • That is true. But long-run — even for them — is stupid. It is NOT going to make their lives better and a lot of the idjits are not exactly spring chickens themselves. They may think they are immortal, but they ain’t. They too are going to lose family and if they have any, friends, them too.

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