Lamont and Dude Confront their Pasts

“Lamont, I have some big — and I mean big — news for you.”

“Calm down, Dude. There’s nothing — and I mean literally NOTHING — worth getting that excited about. How was the museum?”

“Great. Well, it’s closed to visitors. Regular employees are still working, but, you know, virus.”

“I thought you weren’t supposed to go.”

“They were short handed. The guy doing prelims on new fossils, well, dark times, but he’ll be back.”


“I found us.”


“Us. And you were never a wooly mammoth, you big lug. There were no wooly mammoths here. Only Columbian mammoths. You were much, much larger.”

“Well, of course! Sometimes I disappoint me.”

“Remember all the times we talked about how weird it would be to run into ourselves in some lifetime?”

“Can’t happen without a time machine, Dude.”

“Well, that tar pit. If there’s a time machine anywhere it’s that tarpit. ANYHOO there are these wooden sheds in which the paleontologists put all the bones they find in a given week, all boxed and dated, for some grunt to clean up. I’m the grunt for now. I was working on a box, scraping off tar, dirt and time and…”

“Get to the point, Dude, what do you mean you ‘found us’?”

“Hang on, Lamont. It’s a really interesting story. So I’m scraping time’s detritus from the bones of these beasts and who’d believe it?”

“I probably won’t.”

“Cynicism is a cheap choice, Lamont.”

“Or earned through time and experience, Dude.”

“Fair enough. So in a box dated 15,000 years ago — that’s what I was working on today — I pulled out a huge bone, a mastodon tibia, weighed a ton, and a jaw, lower jaw, Smilodon jaw. I got a shock like a heavy electric current running through my whole body. Remember back when we were in that band?”

“I wasn’t in that band, Dude. That was your iteration, not mine.”

“Right, well, anyway, it was like when that idiot put the lava lamp in the sink thinking it would look cool in water, and anyway my mic was plugged into the same socket. A shock, just like that was. Then I knew. It was something important, for me, anyway. That place has mastodon tibias and Smilodon jaws coming out the yin-yang. I cleaned off the tibia and saw the tooth marks. I cleaned off the jaw. Sure enough. A beast knows its own mouth, right?”

“C’mon Dude, you can’t expect me to believe that.”

“You have this problem, Lamont. You think because you remember all those iterations that you remember them right. You don’t get everything right. You need to be more open to learning new things, well, in this case an old thing, but whatev’.”

“You’re saying I was a Columbian mammoth and you found me?”

“Yeah, Lamont. That’s just what I’m saying.”

“How in hell did you take me down, then? I was probably 14 feet tall and weighed ten tons!”

“That’s the thing. We’ve always imagined — I can’t call it ‘thought’ anymore, Lamont, because we were not informing ourselves. You can’t think without decent information. Now we can think about it. Smilodon didn’t hunt alone. They hunted in packs.”


“Yep. So basically, I just did a number on your tibia. My mates took you down. It was a hot day, too, or we wouldn’t have wound up in the tar like that. I wasn’t even fully grown.”

“Good God, Dude. This is amazing.”

“Right? I learned something else about you, the mastodon.”

“What? Besides you were instrumental in my death?”

“Lamont, you were over sixty years old. I don’t think you were able to keep up with the herd any more. You were a very old mastodon and I was a very young Smilodon. This might have been my first hunt.”


“Yeah. You want a beer?”


Lamont and Dude are characters I came up with a few years ago. They have the uncanny ability to remember many of their past incarnations which gives them an unusual perspective on life, the universe and everything. If this entertained you and you’d like more, just type Lamont and Dude into the search bar on my blog. 🙂

13 thoughts on “Lamont and Dude Confront their Pasts

  1. Interesting! I’ve heard of the concept of people being “recycled” but if animals would be, too, the planet would be quite a wild place. 😉 Thanks for participating in today’s prompt.

  2. Oh I love this pair. trouble is I am just getting into it all and chapter ends. I am staying away from tar pits, there is enough happening with out that stress. I am not sure why when Dude was talking about chowing down on Lamonts 60 year old tibia, I felt a tingle in my own bones…go figure. 🤪

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