Lamont and Dude Discuss Employment

“What’s going on out there?”

“Freestyle competition. Should be good.”

“Did you enter?”

“I don’t surf that way.”

“Dude, if it’s freestyle, you can surf anyway you want.”

“Well, yeah, but I’m not that interested in competing. I mean some of those guys — and young women — they’re from Hawaii and shit. A couple of them are from Australia. I just go out, you know, to go out.”

“OK so by ‘I don’t surf that way’ you mean ‘I don’t surf that well’.”


“What’s the mystique with Hawaii? Seriously, Dude, you LIVED in Hawaii.”

“It wasn’t a tropical island then, Lamont. You know that perfectly well. It was fucking cold.”

“I don’t think I stayed there long.”

“Who did?”

“It was for the birds.”


“What are you all dressed up for?”

“I’d rather not say.”

“You might as well, Lamont. I know you look at dating sites.”

“Yeah, so what? It’s just to remind me what I DON’T want. Why do you?”

“I dunno. Habit I guess. Those hormonal forces don’t surrender easily.”

“You’d think after several million years…”

“Right? So what is it in downtown San Diego that’s so important you have to wear your monkey suit?”

Monkey suit? You say it as if it’s a bad thing to be a monkey. You are one, er, ape or whatever.”

“You’re not going to tell me.”

“All right. I got a job.”

“You WHAT???”

“Yeah. On the evening news.”



“I give it a week. You’ll make some off-target crack about body acceptance or intellectually challenged people and that’ll be it.”

“Very likely. But you have a job. Why shouldn’t I?”

“You could do what I do. You could wear a mastodon suit and I could kill you every week at the museum. It’d be great.”


Lamont and Dude are characters I came up with a few years ago. They have the uncanny ability to remember many of their past lives which gives them an unusual perspective on life, the universe and everything.

8 thoughts on “Lamont and Dude Discuss Employment

    • I’m so depressed by politics I can barely stand it. Lamont and Dude ALWAYS vote but this year they’re thinking they’ll ignore the top of the ticket if they must and vote down ticket to change the Senate. I think that’s why Lamont got a job.

  1. A key component of life satisfaction – feeling useful. Thus a job enhances self worth and spills into other aspects even with a risk attached!!

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