Lamont and Dude Discuss Birthdays

“What’s wrong, Lamont?”

“Another year gone.”


“Where you going?”

“Where does it look like?”

“Right. I didn’t see that.”

“If you didn’t see my surfboard, Lamont, you might want to get your eyes checked. C’mon. Lets grab a few before…”

“Before what? The apocalypse?”

“Wow. Don’t you have a TV interview later?”

“Yeah, but the thrill is gone.”

“Nothin’ left to say?”

“You’re joking.”


“Excuse me, but there are waves to catch. Enjoy your pity party.”



“Never mind.”

“Lamont, you’ve probably had a millions of birthdays already. What’s up with this one?”

“It’s that human curse, Dude. You’ve had it. Fucking mortality.”

“YOU are worried about mortality?”

“Don’t be so smug. Remember when you turned 46?”

“Oh yeah, that was bad. Wait, which time? Do I see a smile, Lamont? C’mon, do I? Do I?”

“Fuck off.”

“No, really which time?”

“Second to last, I think. You were all feeling sorry for yourself because you weren’t hot any more.”

“I was a chick?”

“Yeah, of course.”

“I felt so sorry for you I had a birthday party. Do you remember this at all?”

“Whoa, was this when you were that bizarre Austrian Nazi piano restorer living behind his shop in Lemon Grove?”

“Yeah, that time.”

“Oh, Lamont, that was so sweet. How could I ever forget that! You put candles all over the floor from the front door to your apartment in back. You made potatoes and burned steak and melted cheese. You invited your two other friends.”

“That cheese was Raclette.”

“Yeah. Oh, Lamont. You’re right. I was pretty miserable that birthday.”

“Didn’t the party make you feel better?”

“So you want a party?”

“God no.”

“I can burn you a steak later. Will that help?”

“No, Dude. I’ll shake it off. Just what’s next?”

“What’s ever next?”

Thus It Was

I am being driven forward
Into an unknown land.
The pass grows steeper,
The air colder and sharper.
A wind from my unknown goal
Stirs the strings of expectation.

Still the question:
Shall I ever get there?
There where life resounds,
A clear pure note
In the silence.
Dag Hammarskjöld, Markings


Lamont and Dude are characters I came up with a few years ago. They have the uncanny ability to remember many of their past incarnations which gives them a unique perspective on life, the universe and everything. If this little story amused you, you can read HUNDREDS (yikes!) more by searching “Lamont and Dude.”

14 thoughts on “Lamont and Dude Discuss Birthdays

  1. You know how i love those guys. Slowly they are becoming a bit eerie. One they they might return to tell us how the world caught fire.

    • I should be so ……>>>>>>>>>.>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> Lucky 😀

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