Lamont and Dude on New Years Morning

“The beach is a mess.”

“Yeah, it always is after New Years Eve.”

“I just don’t get it. How can people get so excited about this arbitrary celestial demarcation? I’ve been through the end of a lot of these so-called Decembers. It’s pretty much just more of the same the next day.”

“Lamont, I wonder if you’re ever going to understand humans are just…”

“In love with their little rituals? Let me tell you, those little rituals have caused more human deaths than scurvy.”

“Scurvy?”

“First thing that came to mind. Of course, the Druids had it going on, I’ll give them that. Those rituals were full of fire and blood and mystery. And, of course, I was the center of all of it.”

“Ah, now the real reason. You could be the center of it now if you had a party on New Years Eve.”

“What? A lot of booze, scantily dressed women on the verge of scurvy, moldy hors d’oeuvres and bad music? Been there, done that.”

“Well, you know the thing is we’ve pretty much been every where and done everything.”

“EveryWHEN. That’s where we’ve been.”

“Remember that time you were holding those three champagne glasses between your fingers, and you fell down the steps?”

“Yeah, that was amazing. Ripped my jeans, broke none of the glasses.”

“That’s coordination, Lamont, and a clear illustration of your values at the time.”

“Surprising is what that was.”

“When was that?”

“The human iteration before this one, I think. In any case, we were young. You were a girl.”

“So were you.”

“True. What were we doing?”

“I dunno. Does anyone know what they’re doing in their 20s?”

“I would think we would.”

“I don’t remember remembering as much in that iteration as in this one.”

“Kind of a blessing, isn’t it, not remembering all that?”

“Maybe but you wouldn’t be on TV all the time if you didn’t remember all that, and I wouldn’t be nearly as convincing in the Smilodon suit.”

“I wonder what’s next?”

“I dunno. Who cares? Let’s clean up the beach then catch some waves.”

“I’ll get a coffee can for the broken glass.”

“Good idea. It seems that whatever the year, you always have to watch for glass on the beach.”

***

Lamont and Dude are characters I came up with a few years ago. They have the uncanny ability to remember many of their past incarnations which gives them an unusual perspective on life, the universe and everything.

6 thoughts on “Lamont and Dude on New Years Morning

  1. enjoyed meeting Lamont and Dude, will read back on them. Sadly there will always be mess, So good there are the Lamonts and Dudes of the world.

      • I can only imagine the fun to create characters I bet they take on a world of their own, which sort of makes me go down the path of escapism and freedom of thought that you must get in your creativity. even if no one ever read it. My partner liked to write and he wrote poetry.

  2. This was amusing with so much truth. There is always glass on the beach. If we get lucky it is “beach glass” that is sanded smooth and looks pretty instead of pretty dangerous glass that impales the unobservant or unlucky…

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