Lamont and Dude Discuss Short Fiction

“Just a splinter off the old block.”

“What did you say?”

“Little Chuck. Just like his dad, er…”

“It’s ‘chip off the old block’ you idiot.

“I can do what I want with the clichés I use, you linguistic totalitarian. I’m an artiste.”

“Oh brother. What IS that?”

“A story about a kid named Chuck who’s the spitting image of his dad but a LOT smaller.”

“Why do I even talk to you?”

“Beats me.”

“So what else about this story?”

“Well, the thing is, Chuck isn’t even a guy.”

“Oh god, now we’re doing some LGBTQXZ snore fest?”

“What if I were? But no, you see, Chuck is actually Charlene.”

“OK, so is Chuck an Olympic champion?”

“No, stupid. Charlene is a marmot, specifically Marmota monax.”

“So is ‘Little Chuck’ actually ‘Little Charlene’?”

“No, dumbass. It’s when Charlene shows up at the end of January or the beginning of February — I’m leaving that to the readers’ imagination — with Little Chuck all the other marmots go, ‘Whoa, dude, Chuck is like, you know, Charlene’. That’s the turning point of the story.”

“Not much of a story. What made you think you were a writer?”

“I dunno. I just got inspired. It’s an uplifting story about courage in the face of adversity.”

“What adversity?”

Winter. Good god, Lamont. Are you paying attention AT ALL or are you stuck in some Pleistocene revery???”

Lamont and Dude are characters I came up with a few years ago. They have the uncanny ability to remember many of their past incarnations which gives them a unique perspective on life, the universe and everything.

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