Don’t Look!

I’m one of those people how has “problems with intimacy.” I wasn’t always like that, but life has taught me that the even the lowly pillbug has a few good ideas.

When I had my hip replacement, that whole pillbug notion had to go by the wayside. I had to surrender to heavy drugs, accept that some guy was going to slice open my naked body, shove a little saw inside, and cut off my bone. That was bad, but at least I was unconscious. Afterward, nurses would have to help me use the toilet and various other intimate tasks. I am sure my resistance to intimacy helped me recover faster.

Afterward, someone had to take care of me, at home. When my friend Lois offered, I accepted. I knew she could handle it with finesse and she did. I don’t think it was too gruesome. There was the oxygen problem, and once a bandage had to be changed, but there was no real gore.

The OTHER kind of intimacy, really KNOWING someone, yeah. As a young person I was very interested in long revelatory conversations as parts of friendship. Now I think that friendships evolve in time, through contact, actions that reveal a person’s heart far more than does a late night confidence.

8 thoughts on “Don’t Look!

  1. I think you’re right, Martha. Sadly, I think many kids these days are actively avoiding the kind of contact that deepens relationships. I was momentarily speechless the other day when The Girl, after witnessing my casual interaction with a stranger, shuddered and said “Awkward! I hate it when I have to talk to a stranger. I don’t know how you do that!” Of course it was an opportunity for the good father-daughter talk that followed, but I was caught off guard by her reaction because she’s so outspoken & outgoing.

    I loved Howard Jones in the 80s, by the way, especially “No One Is To Blame” and “Things Can Only Get Better” as well as “Like To Get To Know You Well.”

    • Ah, we just embarrass our adolescent children whatever we do. My son-like-thing said the same thing to me in a supermarket in California ( ha ha but really). Now he’s in his 40s and has discovered it’s a lot more pleasant to talk to someone in the checkout line than to stand there being paranoid that someone’s looking at you and judging you. My favorite Howard Jones song is “Don’t Try to Live Your Life in One Day” — I saw him like 11 years ago in San Diego. It was a small show and a lot of fun except for my date who was the Evil X.

    • I like it when a friendship gets to the point where there’s not that much to say any more and you just have a good time doing stuff together. That doesn’t happen over night.

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