Lamont and Dude Continue to be Serious

“It wasn’t all velociraptors and Smilodons, Lamont.”

“News flash.”

“I mean, we were a lot of other things. Why isn’t the world interested in that?”


“You know. I mean, being a salmon was pretty great while it lasted.”

“People get salmon in cans these days. I doubt most of them ever think about the wild nights and glorious days of salmon spawns.”

“True enough. OH well.”

“It’s actually pretty significant that humans admire predators more than prey. I think it runs deep in the human ‘soul’.”

“Why is that, Lamont? What are your ideas on that, because clearly you have some.”

“Well, every creature would rather NOT be killed. Look how fierce sparrows are defending their lilac bush and birdbath from house finches. It’s the scarcity model. Humanity has built most of its civilizations on that model. I wonder what animals would do if there was never any danger to their survival? A different model, you think?”

“For Smilodon there wasn’t much danger.”

“That’s my point, Dude. Only the top predators didn’t have to worry.”

“And that’s why humans are so fascinated by Smilodon and not oak trees?”

“I think oak trees are in their own class, I’m just thinking of sentient creatures who move around, you know?”

“It was a sad moment when you caught me, Lamont. I was enjoying my short life as a salmon.”

“I know, Dude, but a bear has needs, too.”

“That’s pretty much the bottom line, isn’t it.”

“So are you keeping your job? Surfing Smilodons have needs.”

“Yeah, I just called them. They’re relieved. My replacement doesn’t seem to ‘get it’. That’s their exact words.”

“Probably never been a top predator.”

8 thoughts on “Lamont and Dude Continue to be Serious

  1. Dude, the theme of your lives seems to be public service. As a salmon, you allowed Lamont to catch you so that he could deposit your life giving nutrients to the forest. Never underestimate the power of shit.

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