Lamont and Dude Discuss Relocation

“Howdy, pardner.”

“What? You channeling Gunsmoke or something?”

“Naw, just, I don’t know. Do you ever think of moving away from the beach, Lamont?”

“It’s all one place, Dude.”

“Yeah, but different phenomena. You yourself liked the British-Oak-Tree-Druids-Everywhere iteration best. This is a long way from that. Whoa, did you see that?”

“Every morning with my coffee. Swings past on skates wearing some fancy thong or another. On holidays he/she ‘dresses’ in, I dunno’, a semi-costume.”

“I do like the shades.”

“Yeah. Probably kept those safe since the 70s. You haven’t see him/her before?”

“Nope. I guess I’m usually out there this time of day. Really flat today.”

“You mean him/her or the ocean?”

“You’re so funny.”

“So where would you live if not here?”

“I dunno. Have you ever lived in the mountains? I did once. I remember it as harsh but beautiful.”

“When did you live in the mountains?”

“I’m not sure exactly. I’m not clear on what I was, but I did a lot of walking with others like me. We spent most of our time walking. I had four legs, I remember that.”

“Well that narrows things down. You were probably an ungulate. Do you remember what you ate?”

“Give me a minute.”

“It’s simple, Dude. Did you eat meat or trees? That’ll tell us everything. How was your hearing? Eyesight? Did you run away or toward?”

“What are you doing? Trying out the DSM sorter?”


“You know. Distant Somatic Memory sorter.”

“It’s not that funny, Dude. I know you think my idea is dumb…”

“No, the idea is good. The acronym has been used, though.”

“So did you run toward or from?”

“Seems like I did a lot of leaping.”

“Well, then you weren’t a bison. We can check that off. Are you sure your not just remembering the halcyon days of your Smilodon iteration?”

“No mountains, you know that. You were there.”

“OK. Seriously, I think the big question is did you run toward or away. Away, you were prey. Toward, you were predator.”


“Well, which was it?”

“I had really good hearing.”

“Not helpful. What did you listen for?”

“No memory, Lamont. Sorry.”

“OK, so when you were walking was this a seasonal thing? Like in summer did you go up hill and in fall down hill?”

“Oh, definitely down hill in fall.”

“Did you travel with others or alone?”

“There were others.”

“Prey. Well, I’ll leave it to you to figure out what kind, but I’d say you were a deer. Maybe you didn’t live long enough to have a good memory of the experience. You know. Wolves.”

“What difference does it make what I was? The question is what about blowing this pop stand and going to live in the mountains?”

“Why? You won’t have anything like THAT to look at.”

“Good god. Are those Easter Bunny ears?”

Lamont and Dude are characters I came up with a few years ago. They have the uncanny ability to remember many of their past incarnations. This gives them an unusual perspective on life, the universe and everything.

12 thoughts on “Lamont and Dude Discuss Relocation

    • I learned today looking for a video that he moved to Hawaii, but the people of Pacific Beach — to whom he was iconic weirdness — painted a picture of him on a utility box. Once in a while I miss CA.

Comments are closed.