At this point, I’m doing pretty much everything. I don’t think I’ll be mowing the lawn, and the dogs are staying where they are, but otherwise, it’s going well. Yesterday an occupational therapist came by to help me work out a way to get into the tub/shower. It turned out easy. She figured out a safe method in about two seconds and that was that.
I get tired easily — but I think that’s to be expected. Still, last night I slept longer without opiates than I have since the surgery. That’s good news, too.
I’ve also learned that right now, anyway, I can’t handle negativity at all. And my idea of what constitutes negativity has shifted a bit as well. At this moment, “positive” people include those who ask me if they can help me or understand that I might have limitations, and who understand I don’t have my usual stamina. It seems egocentric, but I think, in a way, we want friends who — in times of struggle — are as attentive to us as we’re willing to be to them. It’s natural that right now I’m kind of self-absorbed since my main job is staying upright and helping my hip heal.
That made me think about conversations in general. Positive people are optimistic about the future, involved in the present, and able to forgive the past for letting them down. When I think about this whole hip surgery odyssey that’s the whole point. To do it at all, I had to become optimistic about the future (with a good hip), involved in the present moment so I could do/can do what I have to do, and I have had to forgive the past for “giving” me arthritis in the first place.
I remember once when my second marriage had fallen apart, and various other crises were swirling around my life, I was standing at my garage door trying to open it. I couldn’t. The garage was so jammed with stuff my second husband had acquired that the door would stick at a certain point and not open all the way. I stood there and looked at the door and thought, “There’s a reason our eyes are in front because that’s where we live. We live in the future. We go forward.”
It was kind of a profound thought to be inspired by a garage door, but some of those satoris happen just that randomly. So negativity has also come to mean — for me, right now — conversations that are not forward looking and people who dwell on things in the past they cannot change. It’s an interesting evolution.