House Hunting

“Here’s a cozy little nest for the lovebirds,” said the real estate agent, opening the door to a small house that had not been remodeled (opened?) since the mid-70s wood paneling craze. The floors were covered in worn, avocado green carpeting. The drapes — avocado green brocade — were pulled tightly across the windows.

“Let’s let the sun shine in, shall we?” said the agent who thought he was making a joke, but the joke was as old as the carpeting.

“Good lord, honey,” whispered Dexter in his new wife’s ear.

“Give it a chance. Maybe it’ll grow on us. Maybe there’s something great here we haven’t seen yet.” Trish was in the middle of a seminar on positive thinking. She was determined to find the good side in everything.

“The kitchen is big and bright,” said the agent, leading them through the dining room. “But it could use some updating.”

An avocado green gas stove stood proudly between two sleek yet greasy knotty pine cabinets.

“You’ll have to get a fridge.”

“How many bathrooms does this house have?” asked Trish.

“Two. One downstairs, one up. Downstairs is a partial, sink and toilet. It’s in this hallway.” The agent turned a corner out of the kitchen into a hallway where there was a pantry and a door leading to the bathroom. He opened the door, stuck in his head, looked around and pulled the door shut.

“You don’t want to go in there,” he said, shaking. “In fact, we don’t want to be in here. Let’s go.” Without another word, he ushered them out of the house and called the police.

29 thoughts on “House Hunting

  1. And? Was that based on a real-life experience when you was house searching. Perhaps that was why the dogs loved your new house. Plenty of bones around to bury or???

  2. Enjoyed this a lot! Also enjoyed ‘Self Discipline’ which has now vanished – although perhaps ‘enjoyed’ is the wrong word. It grabbed my interest. Could you write the ‘truth’ rather than the glorified, idealised, propagandised version? It might ruffle feathers, but it would be interesting!

    • I took down “Self-Discipline” because I was getting a lot of advice about how to write and that isn’t the problem; I put it back up and closed comments. The problem is lack of conviction. That’s a deeper difficult. And, I would write the truth — I have so far. But the other side of the truth is that these people who emigrated began immediately, systematically, eradicating their memories of “home” except in their daily habits which are so engrained as to be instinctive. And, of course, the Anabaptists (the people I’m writing about) had already separated themselves from the government of whatever country they happened to be in; that was a cultural given. That has been the story of American settlement from the beginning, I guess. The problem is — for me — I don’t like this country very much. I would go back to “the old country” tomorrow if I had the means. I think my anger and bitterness at the current government is really the last straw for any love I felt for the history of this nation. I like some things — mostly nature and the wild landscape — and many people, but the “nation” and the national ethos? (Greed) Nope.

  3. So, I’m hooked and now intend to read the saga all the way through with my mid-morning cup of tea. I’ll see you down the road a bit.

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