When Man F*&^s with Nature…

“People just don’t think.”

“No boss, they don’t.” This was a conversation Sam and his boss had had thousands of times.

“Look what happened when they turned loose all those Easter rabbits. Am I right? Am I right?”

“We got those giant super rabbits that pooped jellybeans.” Sam grinned.

“It’s not a laughing matter, Sam. Dammit. You need to take your job here at the BLM more seriously if you want a promotion.”

“I don’t know how much more serious I can take it, boss. I know those rabbits are a pest. My son and I have been out there shooting them for months. Tasty, though.”

“Those rabbits are a pest to the very idiots who turned them loose! That’s nature’s justice, Sam. Nature will out. Whose gardens are they eating? Am I right?”

“Right, boss.”

“And then people complain that we’re shooting rabbits! No way to win, Sam, no way to win. Am I right?”

“Right, boss.”

“So tell me, how in hell are we going to return all these rocks to the wild? Hundreds, thousands, hell, maybe millions of these goddamned painted rocks. We don’t even know what they’ve been painted with! Toxic or non-toxic paint?”

“Serious question boss.”

“Will they ever fit in again, another problem. They’ve been living with people a long time. Maybe they can’t be rehabilitated to the wild. I don’t know.”

“Time will tell, boss. And what if they’re not? I mean they’re rocks. They’ll just sit there unrehabilitated. Rocks are pretty inert.”

“Did you even TAKE geology? Every little rock is future sand, or a tool for an otter to crack open a shell, who knows, but a rock is far, far, far from inert. Will your average otter WANT one of these goddamned painted rocks? I don’t know, you don’t know. And ravens!”

“And ravens, boss.”

“Am I right?”

“Right as always, boss.”

“And people just think a little rock in their alley is irrelevant. Nothing is irrelevant. Nothing, nothing.”


11 thoughts on “When Man F*&^s with Nature…

  1. Now that one took a surprise turn didn’t it. You see, all those people putting painted rocks everywhere. Imagine a golden oldie like me with her walking stick. It could become very dangerous tripping over a rock with a painting of ghosts or pumpkins. People might even begin to carve them into sharps with dangerous pointy bits. I was going for a walk this evening along the river, but have changed my mind. I could get attacked by a rabbit or even have a rock thrown at me. – Honestly said, it really gave me a good laugh, it was so good.

  2. My first husband works for BLM the entire 23 years we were married. I’ve heard conversations like this! Another laugh-aloud funny conversation, Martha. Will Sam and Boss return like Lamont and Dude?

    • I don’t know. They might. The BLM is kind of a joke. One of my good friend’s husband works for BLM. I saw something on Facebook where someone yammered about demonstrations by the “BLM” and I got hot under the collar and wrote, “The BLM works hard every single day to make sure your public lands are cared for. If you have a clean toilet in a state park, thank the BLM. If you have navigable trails, thank the BLM.” In the middle of the night, I woke up realizing the Facebook post meant “Black Lives Matter” not “Bureau of Land Management.”

      I told my friend and she told her husband and we all just cracked up — she’d have done the same and so would other people I know. So NOW BLM has kind of a double meaning. I think it just shows how far much of this country is from places like Craig an Monte Vista. πŸ˜€

Comments are closed.