Lamont Tells Dude about Iceland’s Elysian Fields


“What, Lamont?”


“Ah. Now what?”

“Do you remember? No, you weren’t there. Strange times. Strange place, but I loved it. It had its downside, though. Not exactly ‘down’ side, come to think of it. More wool, though the ducks and geese were everywhere. Danger of wool gathering.”

“What are you talking about?”


“Oh god. How do you know it was Iceland and not some other remote tundraesque locale on the planet?”



“Finally had enough of the routine — always the same. Get thrown in the pen with a bunch of ewes in the fall, pulled out after I’ve sewn my seed and set on my own, grabbed in the spring, all my wool sheared off — you think it never snowed after that? You think it was never cold after that? Fuck no. It WAS cold and it DID snow and freezing rain could come blasting at my poor shorn self any time. Who knew? They SHOULD have known. It happened all the time, but NO. Then I got it. It was my wool they were after. And my sperm.”

“Could be a lot worse, Lamont. All the ewes you could, uh, service? And all you had to do was let them take your wool? I’m having a hard time seeing the dark side. It’s not like they were turning you into mutton.”

“It would come. It always came. I saw it hundreds of times. So, I left.”

“You LEFT?”

“Yep. Walked away one fall while they were busy assembling all the ewes. It was easy. They were distracted and we all pretty much look the same. The gate was open. I left. I just started walking. I’m not even sure they noticed I was gone.”

“Wow. So you were a maverick sheep in Iceland?”

“I had a couple of buddies. Sometimes we’d meet up, walk together for a while. It was good. It disguised us as a herd, not that anyone ever looked for us. We still got to service ewes, if we found one and she was willing — happened a lot. Long dark winters in Iceland. BUT all that wool WAS heavy, especially after a good rain, still, we were never cold again. And we became legends.”

“Yeah, a legend in your own mind. I think you’re telling me a yarn, Lamont.”

“Suit yourself, Dude.”


Lamont and Dude are characters I came up with a couple of years ago. They have the uncanny ability to remember many of their previous incarnations which gives them a unique perspective on life, the universe and everything.

5 thoughts on “Lamont Tells Dude about Iceland’s Elysian Fields

  1. I am still laughing. I am sure Lamont was the black one. They once found a sheep in Switzerland that got away and had not been shorn for a long while. He was just one big ball of fleece, you could not see his eyes at all. That was great, so funny.

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