Last Call at the Stadium Inn

“How’s it hanging, buddy?”

“Been worse. You?”

“Meh, same ol’ same ol’.”

“I hear you.”

“Yeah. What do you and the old lady have goin’ this weekend?”

“Didn’t I tell you? She moved her shit out. She’s gone.”

“Whoa. No you didn’t tell me. Why?”

“Said she wanted to ‘Press the pause button’ in our relationship. Not like it hasn’t been on pause for a while.”

“You mean?”


“Probably seeing someone else. Sorry to say it, but it seems…”

“I dunno. You want another beer?”


“How are things at your house?”

“You know, little Patrice has decided she’s transgender so we have that whole bathroom issue to deal with at school.”

“Is she?”

“Godnose. She’s only six. I’m not sure SHE knows.”

“What does your wife say?”

“She went apeshit. Who can blame her? She had all those dreams of child beauty pageants…”

“Those are sick.”

“You get no argument from me there. The way I see it, this is Patrice’ way of getting out of wearing makeup and tiaras.”

“How’s Jimmy?”

“Still wrestling. Doing good. Between us — this is between us, right?”


“Jimmy’s not that bright.”

“He’s a retard?”

“Yeah, I think he is. I mean, he’s still in junior high and he’s 17.”

“Damn, bro.”

“What does your wife say?”

“We don’t talk about it much. She’s got her life and I got mine, you know how it goes.”

“Pause button?”

“You wanna’ shoot some pool?”

Last call!!!”

“Guess not.”

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