Lamont and Dude Reminisce

“Those were the days.”

“Sure, if you were an officer, but foot soldiers?”

“I know, I know. But hey, how often have you had the chance to rape, pillage and plunder recently?”

“Pillaging and plundering were our pay, Dude, and what do you do with a giant gold clock when you’re walking across the landscape carrying your kit and your pike? Eyes bigger than your stomach kind of thing.”

“I kind of miss those times. Things were much clearer. Less smarmy and sentimental.”

“I’ll give you that. I’m amazed at how they’ve been sentimentalized and glorified, though. They were…”

“Yeah. People don’t really get it. For them a battle-axe is kind of theoretical.”

“As opposed to some unbelievably heavy piece of converted farm equipment you could use to cleave…”

“That’s something. People aren’t ‘cleaving’ like they once did.”

“No, no they aren’t. Interesting word, ‘cleave’. It means itself and its opposite.”


“Yeah, split in two and stick together. Means both things.”

“That’s the kind of verbal conundrum that drove the Vikings across the ocean.”



Lamont and Dude are characters I came up with a couple of years ago. They have the uncanny ability to remember many of their past incarnations which gives them an unusual perspective on life, the universe and everything.

15 thoughts on “Lamont and Dude Reminisce

  1. Yes, those good old days where battle was personal. Heaving and hewing and crushing and clubbing. Add some rape and maybe burn down a village, capture a few useful slaves … Ah, I really miss it. Don’t you? I even miss the plague.

  2. Laugh-aloud funny, Martha. I love these two, and I learn from them. I’d never though about cleave having two opposite meanings, and was surprised to learn the Vikings had.

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