Lamont and Dude Ponder the One Story

“How was your date, Dude?”

“Don’t ask.”

“Not good?”

“I said, don’t ask.”

“Ahhh. So what did she look like?”

“Short. Ferocious. I hate short girls.”

“Did she bite you?”

“Ha ha.”

“Why don’t you give it up? You’ve had enough love stories in your numerous incarnations to last an eternity.”

“I’m not like you, Lamont. I’m not bitter.”

“I’m not bitter. Just have better uses for my time. Or times.”

“Like what?”

“OK, look. How many times have we mated, spawned and died? I can’t count them. Can you? That lovely time when I was a salmon, everything was glorious cold water, bubbles, changing light, rushing upstream with my friends, laying my eggs and…dying. Wow. That puts a fine point on everything, doesn’t it? Love = death.”

“Good god, Lamont. Talking to you in the morning is a great way to destroy all the possibilities of an entire day.”

“Why? I don’t understand, Dude. You’ve been through this thousands of times. You KNOW the story. It doesn’t end differently.”

“I don’t get YOU. That IS the story. If you avoid it, you avoid EVERYTHING.”

“Let me look at that bite.”

Lamont and Dude are characters I made up a couple of years ago. They have the uncanny ability to remember many of their past incarnations. This gives them a unique perspective on life, the universe and everything.

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