Lamont and Dude Discuss Ghosts

“Lamont, do you remember ever having been a ghost?”

“No. I’ve thought about it, though. Why would there be ghosts when everything goes quickly into its next incarnation?”

“Yeah, but what if you took a while to decompose and your spirit wandered around wondering ‘WTF?’ for a while. Then you’d be a ghost, right?”

“This ‘spirit’ thing. I’m not sure about that. I think it’s all matter and energy — the energy isn’t ‘lost’ anywhere to wander around wondering ‘WTF?’ That doesn’t make sense.”

“What if someone murders you and you resolve to come back and get revenge.”

“Oh, you mean like a sabre-toothed tiger or something, chasing me into a tarpit? That kind of murder? That’s not murder. That’s the old ‘what’s for dinner’ imperative built into all of us.”

“No, not that. I mean cold-blooded murder like in ‘The Tell-tale Heart’.”

“Ooooh. That. I don’t remember ever having been murdered, but I did assassinate Caligula.”


“Yeah. Me and some other guys. I was in the Praetorian Guard. I didn’t get the ‘credit’ for it in history, thank goodness.”

Caligula???? I didn’t know you were there. Ugh. That must have been awful.”

“You were there, too. Lots of rats in imperial Rome. You were one fat cat.”

“I wish I had a dollar for every time I’ve been some kind of cat. That makes at least three incarnations. Do you suppose there were more?”

“Hard to say. There for a while I got to share your feline existence. I did a stint as  Toxoplasma Gondii.”


“Yeah. After we got rid of Caligula — a popular move over all, I have to say that — but I didn’t get away with it. I met my death on the steps of the arena there in Antium. You licked up my blood and ‘Voila!'”

“Oh my. Then what?”

“You got clipped by a chariot wheel, fatal accident, ended up by a wall and we got eaten by a dog. No ghosts in that story.”

“What happened to us then?”

“No idea, Dude. Sorry. Protozoa don’t have much of a brain.”


Lamont and Dude are characters I came up with a while back. They have the uncanny ability to remember their past incarnations which makes their points of view a little different. If you enjoy this, just search “Lamont and Dude” and you’ll find more of their conversations and television appearances.

3 thoughts on “Lamont and Dude Discuss Ghosts

  1. That was great, I havn’t laughed like that for a long while. I just wonder where those two are going to turn up next. I hope they were not sitting around a fire somewhere in a Swiss Kanton having a talk about building a country, or who knows 🙂

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