I hate liars. My mom was a liar, my brother was a liar, the evil-X was a liar, godnose how many other liars have inveigled me into their nasty false realities and made me their pawn. All addicts are liars. They desperately need someone else to make their worlds work, to keep the supply flowing and to take care of the administrative aspects of reality. If one “administrator” bails, they’ll find another. And the weird thing is, the “administrator” who walked away will feel guilty for abandoning the liar. It’s bizarre. That person will also have to deal with the reproach of others who don’t get it — and many people don’t get it. The addict is a superstar at arousing pity in others. My mom always said, “Don’t be so gullible,” but she benefitted a lot from my gullibility.

However, not all liars are addicts. There are liars who get through their lives by manipulating people; addict or not, they still need an “administrator.” I guess they’re called psychopaths, such as the Evil-X. I’ve learned a lot about that kind of behavior, too, including terms I never knew such as “gas-lighting” which is, “manipulating (someone) by psychological means into questioning their own sanity.” That’s a very good stragedy for putting someone down so far they don’t question your lies. Yep. Been there, too.

I fear liars more than I fear cougars or rattlesnakes or train wrecks or anything because I am so vulnerable.

14 thoughts on “Liar

  1. Is it wrong that I liked this because it resonated with me? I work with a couple of liars, but I can’t decide yet if they are just addicted to getting what they want by lying, or if they are true psychopathic masters of manipulation. The administrator/enabler in this case? The institution…sigh…

  2. I was a believing child too, and I was a believing adult for a long time before I finally learned to take what was said to me with a grain of salt. I’ve been gulled plenty of times in good fun, and it could be quite embarrassing.

    However, I think that a tendency to be “gullible” is inextricably wound up with a high degree of both empathy and sensitivity, and I’d be very hesitant to let those drop by the wayside! Of course, I can say that because I’ve been lucky in my life not to have been terribly hurt because I believed a liar – I expect I might be a whole lot more cynical if that were not so.

    • I understand — and I decided sometime back there as I was blundering through the detritus left by the Evil-X, my mom, my brother that I do not want to be constantly skeptical and cynical. I decided that I didn’t want to be a person I didn’t like just because of them. But I did make the decision not to put myself in harms way which is why I’m single and will remain that way. I cannot love someone without giving myself away and the kind of people who would use me see me a mile away.

  3. With that glorious mane of white hair you’ve got going on, you’d be pretty hard for ANYONE to miss! 🙂

    Seriously, how good that you have your dogs; they’re honest and loyal beings, as well as a deep and constant source of love and companionship that asks absolutely nothing in return except food, shelter, and a chance to run. That’s pretty special, wouldn’t you say?

    • It’s true, when dogs lie it’s tongue in cheek. They KNOW you know. 🙂 This hair is definitely a signpost, and then when I walk my black and white dogs together? I know people around here who don’t know me, but have seen me with Dusty and Bear, recognize the “white-haired lady with the two big dogs.” I like that.

  4. It is sad to go from a caring, sensitive person to being an enabler. And then hating both yourself and the person who you were enabling. Live and learn but always watch your back. Or truly say, fuck it and get on with it.

    • Yep. I have been angry at myself for being a stooge, and as for the people? I hate my mom and the Evil-X and feel pity for them at the same time. As for my brother? He never had a chance and to hate him would be self-destructive. I was able to walk away from him in a spirit of hope and compassion, thank god. I know that I’m not alone in this — when I figured it out I learned that there are TONS of useful books on the subject and THAT made me realize how many people have to deal with this. Crazy.

  5. I would like to point out that the two major presidential candidates are both liars, and what is a principled, empathetic person to do? Start determining who is a worse liar? Not a chance. Write in someone or vote for the Green or Libertarian candidate, neither of whom has been lying egregiously throughout this campaign.

    Martha, I hope you can learn to trust again, but it is so very hard to do when the news is replete with evidence that lying is the new normal. Watch what police say after the shooting of two more black men.

    • I’m good with trusting people, but it is now my hypothesis for going into a friendship. I no longer give everything away. I wait and see. I’m happy that most of the time my trust is rewarded and returned.

      I cannot even speak about this presidential election, and the death of that poor man in Minnesota was one of the saddest things I’ve heard among many sad things… When I think about black/white relations, I just think they’ve deteriorated. I remember very well the whole Rodney King thing and what my hood (a ghetto) was like that day/night. It was every extreme from me and a black couple embracing at the local park, all of us in tears, all of us hoping the progress we’d made in this country racially wouldn’t be trashed by what had happened and then, that night, a white kid, my friend and neighbor went to the corner store on his bike to get milk for his mom and was beaten up, kicked, ribs broken and bike stolen by three black men who figured any white guy was fair game. That night wrapped the whole situation up for me in its violence and complexity and I have not seen anything different, just the same thing repeating itself. I remember teaching black gang-bangers at the local community college who stereotyped me as a rich doctor’s wife who lived in La Jolla and drove either a Volvo or a Mercedes and was teaching them to “help underprivileged black kids.” When they found out I drove a Ford Escort, was single, and lived in their hood one of them actually said, “I guess not all white folks got everything. You lives on my street.” I have been appalled by the treatment of the Commander and Chief by racist douchebags who cannot for the life of them honor and respect the office to which the PEOPLE of this nation elected that black guy. I want to emigrate but I don’t have the money.

  6. Great post. I can readily relate to it all except mother did not lie to me. My dad was an expert at lying and then came along my husband of 47 years. He was a very good liar but mostly did it for his amusement. I had to learn when to believe and when not to.

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