Lamont and Dude Discuss Mere Survival

“Ha ha, did you hear that girl?”

“Yeah. Never changes, does it Dude?”

“Nope. What can she know about survival?”

“Not much yet. Certainly not enough to label it ‘mere survival’ as if it were easy. I guess we were the same at one point in this long story that is our lives.”

“You might have been, Lamont. I don’t think I ever thought that way, you know, deep and shit.”

“How’s that deep? It’s just silly. Survival is the toughest game in sentient life and it’s the only point. It’s certainly not ‘mere’. Look at all the creatures who DIDN’T survive.”

“You mean like everybody who died? Lamont, you crack me up.”

“It’s not just everybody who died, doofus. It’s a species thing, not an individual thing. Look at all the species that are ‘poof!’ completely gone, not a trace.”

“I get it. Yeah. Not just, you know, dinosaurs, sabre toothed tigers, mastodons, all that, but plants and little critters.”

“The bugs have fared best of all through all the slings and arrows. Look at the roach!”


“No, Dude, I mean consider the roach. That guy hasn’t changed AT ALL.”

“Maybe a little.”

“Not enough that I don’t still recognize him.”

“Were we ever cockroaches, Lamont?”

“It’s possible. I don’t think those guys think about much more than food, reproducing and the survival of the species, so we might not have any memories of having been cockroaches.”

“Not a really memorable iteration if it happened, then.”

“I don’t think it would have been. I mean, tell me ONE iteration where there was no mating, spawning and dying of some kind.”

“You told me about being a hermit. I don’t think you mated or spawned, but you did die.”

“Oh yeah, that’s true. That was a nightmare. There I was, living in a nice, dry, cool cave in the Qaddisha Valley, tending my olive trees, reciting psalms and enjoying a lovely proximity to God when BAM! A bunch of wild Kwarismians came howling through, set fire to my trees, smoked me out of my cave and cut off my head.”

“That was you, Lamont? Man, I’m so sorry.”

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