Dude and Lamont Ponder Incarnations — The Best of All Possible Worlds?

“Hey Lamont, let’s go to the beach.”

“I’ve been to the beach.’

“Yeah, but not today. You haven’t been to the beach today and all that matters is today. Today. Who knows what tomorrow will bring? You know what they say. Grab the passing sand shark. It might be your last.”

“I don’t think the fish in question is a sand shark, Dude. Anyway, I thought you’d be out there early, with the tide.”

“I was. Gnarly waves, Lamont.”


“Bitchin’, righteous, whatever. They were good.”

“Dude, the thing is, I don’t really like the beach. It’s just a concatenation of random events that brought us here. It wasn’t my choice or anything.”

“If life gives you…”

“I wasn’t complaining, Dude. I’m just saying. The beach has never been my ideal world.”

“What IS your ideal world then, Lamont?”

“You know. You were there.”

“Yes, it was a sunny inland sea. I think you need your coffee.”

“Dude, do you ever listen to me? It was NOT a sunny inland sea of the Jurassic era. It was a hill overlooking a swale from which the mist rose magical and lovely in the morning, safe from the vicissitudes of life as an ambulant beastie, free to contemplate the major questions in peace, even with the random presence of mad druids who, at least, had the good sense to worship us. And I have my damned coffee.”

“I thought you liked the great grasslands. I thought that…”

“You would think that. Sure, it was good for you. A sabre-toothed tiger, the lord of all he surveys.”


“Whatever. The rest of us did not enjoy your reign of terror. You and those sinister packs of dire wolves. I was almost relieved when we ended up in the tar pits. That was a traumatizing incarnation even if you happened to be an extremely large — one could say mammoth — ungulate.”

“It’s kill or be killed. You know that. It’s always been that way. I imagine it will always be that way.”

“Not for the oak tree. No hunting or raiding or attacking or setting fire to or raping or pillaging or plundering…”

“I liked being a Viking. That was the best. Ocean, fire, great weapons and BEARDS!”

“Yes. I remember that. I was on the top of a hill looking over a swale and here you all came in your dragon-headed boats, ready for whatever. They charged off the boats, swords, pikes, halberds, torches, farm implements! They came running up that hill. The sheep ran bleeting — and bleeding in some cases — ahead of them. I looked in the other direction and the priests and monks came running out of the abbey. Then, Dude, you died. Right there on my roots. Luckiest break you ever had.”

“Depends how you define ‘luck’.”

“It wasn’t long before you sprouted, a couple of years. It was fun watching you grow. We had a lot of good conversations during that iteration.”

“I was tired. That’s true. Being a Viking is not for the faint of heart.”

“Being human is not for the faint of heart.”

“Have some more coffee, Lamont.”

“Thanks, Dude.”


5 thoughts on “Dude and Lamont Ponder Incarnations — The Best of All Possible Worlds?

  1. Sell it to the TV companies, it should be a half hour weekly show, Dude and Lamont. It would be a hit I am sure,. If Hollywood doesn’t want it try the BBC, the Brits would love it I am sure. I can see them both having their conversations talking from two sides of the argument. It is so funny.

    • I love that idea and I think you’re right. There’s not enough sex and violence, and there’s too much talking, for American audiences. The Brits. Yes. 🙂

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