Interview with Snap

“How long have you been doing this?”

“I was pretty young when I started, me and my brothers. Seemed like a good gig since we missed out on Snow White. Seven, they said, not ten. We were out on our kiesters.”

“Was it a matter of talent or something else?”

“Who knows? I think to normals, all of us look alike anyway. But yeah, my brothers and me, we were just kids. The guys they picked for the Seven Dwarfs were all adults and that gave them a wider singing range. I don’t think Crackle could even whistle at that point, so…”

“How did you come to represent cereal?”

“Rice Krispies had been out about twenty years and wasn’t selling like Corn Flakes, so they started looking for a marketing gimmick. I don’t know what he was on, but one of the marketing men, after he poured some milk on the cereal,  LISTENED to it. I don’t know about you, but a dude who listens to cereal? What next? But that’s how it started. He had a vision…”

“Sounds like a psycho.”

“Yeah. ‘Snap, Crackle, Pop’ he said. ‘That’s what I hear’.”

“Who are your biggest competitors out there?”

“Well, in our fifty-odd years, we’ve had some tough competition. Tony the Tiger was a major threat. We’re talking GRRRRRR-EAT! vs. Snap, Crackle and Pop. Tony’s charismatic, no question about that, but, fact is, he’s a nice guy. He’s a tiger, sure, but tigers are generally pretty chill. All that’s an act Tony puts on to sell cereal, like us sitting in a cereal bowl. I mean, come on. Cap’n Crunch was an absurd marketing creation — how many pirates go out looking for sugar covered corn cereal? And it’s sweetened and it doesn’t get soggy in the bowl. I have to admit that dumb as the Captain is, I like the product. Lucky Charms got a lot of TV time during Saturday morning cartoons, but, between us, it’s nothing but fancy shaped, frosted Cheerios with dried up marshmallows. The leprechaun is a tricky dude, too. Seems friendly, but you never know. We’ve definitely had competition, but we have our niche and have held steady for a long time.”

“It’s worked out well for you. The cereal is still a favorite, especially now that there are so many ‘gluten free’ fetishists.”

“That’s true. Definite spike in sales thanks to the wheat-free crowd. And there are Rice Crispie Treats. People love those.”

“What about your personal lives? It can’t be all Snap, Crackle and Pop.”

“We have our interests. Crackle likes model trains and has a nice O scale set-up in his house. He can ride it from room to room. Pop is — though no one would think of it to look at him — a medieval scholar whose passion is St. Thomas Aquinas’ numerous discussions over how many angels could sit on the end of a pin. If you get Pop started, he’ll go on all night about it.”

“What about you?”

“I love riding on RC airplanes. Do you want to see my B-52?”

“What if you crash?”

“Doesn’t happen. My wife is a good pilot.”

“Do you guys hang out together at all outside of work?”

“Sure. We’re brothers. One fun thing we like to do is pose in people’s yards, and watch their expression when they notice us.”


7 thoughts on “Interview with Snap

  1. That is far too good to make a comment. That was an aspect of my breakfast cereal I did not know. Perhaps that was why I changed to Wheetabix at one time, it was much quieter and did not talk so much. 🙂

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