In Retrospect Yesterday you invented a new astrological sign. Today, write your own horoscope — for the past month (in other words, as if you’d written it October 1st).
Yesterday we met Sweet Cheeks just as she was leaving the seedy little Venice Beach Bungalow belonging to Madame Ruth. She was very excited having learned that she’s a Scorpio with Castor rising, meaning that she’s intellectual, sexy and will achieve in life. She had just called her boyfriend to let him know her great news. She’s on her way home in her little Scion XA, tooling along on the 405 toward San Pedro, listening to Whitney Houston at top volume, singing along, loudly enough to get the coyotes howling as she passes by their canyon island habitats. “I will always love YEW-oooo-ooooo-OOOO!”
She looks up in her rear view mirror and sees the flashing red and blue lights of LAPD. “Oh no,” she says to the coyotes and the emptiness.
“Pull over, lady. Pull over to the side of the road,” the cop says through his loudspeaker. “License and registration, lady. Do you know how fast you were going? Turn off that racket when I’m talking to you.”
She turns of the stereo and hands the ossifer her license and registration.
“You were going 110. The speed limit here is 65. Do you know what that means?”
“It means you need to slow down. It also means you have a court date. If you have other violations, you might lose your license. Where’s the fire, anyway?”
“I’m sorry. I was just happy and listening to the music and driving along. The freeway is almost empty.”
“Key word there, ‘almost.’ It’s not empty. In fact, you drove right by me and didn’t even see me. What were you thinking? Wait, you weren’t thinking. Here’s your citation. Read it carefully. You’ll be getting a court summons in the mail. Good night.”
“Wow,” she thinks as she starts her car. “I guess I achieved something in life already. I didn’t know I could drive that fast.”